'Tis the season!

Merry Christmas EVERYone!!

Day Five

Almost done. Just a class and a workshop to go.
Have packed all my stuff, made an extensive list of things for the boys to do before they leave the house for Christmas, washed all my clothes, and wrapped Amy, Alice and Eliots presents. This morning was spent printing off assignment stuff and emailing Ela (she seemed impressed with where i am, i dont think she should be, she's just too lovely.) Kayleigh just dropped me back at uni because we had gone to give blood, the lady bruised my arm when she pulled the needle out, it pricked my vein or something, so as soon as i sat down it started leaking again, i wasnt worried but the nurse was so i have a big dressing thing on it, then in jealousy of the attention i was getting Kayleigh fainted (again) so we had to hang around for AGES until they said we were well enough to go. Now i need to re-read the workshop paper.
Mums picking Alice and I up tonight (because we have luggage and more importantly Sizzles).
Liam is throwing up again at home, we think its because of the sink turkey he was eating, *shakes head* how crazy do you have to be to still eat turkey once its been in grimey soapy dishwater?!
So thats Friday.

Day Three

The funniest day. Im glad its over, im exhausted.
The viva this morning, annoying, my questions from Virginia were great, questions from Hoffman were awful, they didnt make any sense, so they classified me in the "can interpret with a little help" column, just a 2:1, not great, but on the plus side i've got 90% on my other two pieces of coursework for this module. So it equals out to about a 80% for coursework over all. Which is a high 1st i think, i should be able to keep that for exam.

We all headed home to the Christmas dinner, which went hilariously well. A 3 hour long game of monopoly, a Christmas movie still downloading, the turkey was taken out of the oven and thrown across the kitchen, landed in the washing up bowl full of gross water, was so hilarious. Lots of other funny things happened but am still laughing so much from the turkey incident.

Day One

One down,
*faint hearted yay*
It was a LONG day, got up at 6.30am (woke up several times before that but didnt get up until then), got stuff organised for the day (cleaned the kitchen, all that boring stuff) and got to uni, in the canteen, having breakfast by 8.30 (which is quite an achievement because i made sure Liam was with me so he would go to his class). Which means i could pick up my essay and meet Lucy in the LRC for some viva revision by 9. Classes 11 till 1 (no lunch break), workshop was forgotten about because ... well its Niall .... Headed home to get a hairband (for the lab) and back into classes (after more studying etc) by 3. Guest lecturer was heading a conference in London because of the current economic crisis (obviously wants to keep his job) so we had an oncology lecture with Ralph (great stuff, knew all the answers as i took 2 cancer classes last year, was on a roll, even when he said "quite an unusual reason this one, doubt anyones going to get it"), then Ralph doing a semi-workshop. Then working in the lab all evening .... eurgh, was horrible, typing and screening blood for antibodies, then straight off to Tesco to get Christmas dinner food, ordered a pizza on the drive back, and now its 11.30.
Very Long Day.
Oh yeah, got a 90% on my essay, (woo), love Heddwyn, officially greatest lecturer in the world.

Busy week

This is week is a crazy week
Monday i have classes as usual plus two workshops (one with a guest lecturer ... that cant be good) and then blood typing and screening in the lab until 9pm.
Tuesday is a project day so 9am till 5pm working in the bioinformatics lab (eurgh)
Wednesday my usual day off will be my Viva Voce, its at 10.30 though so it will be done nice and early, we are then having our house Christmas dinner, (Alec, Liam, Kayleigh, Lucy and I), celebrating, eating, and drinking (obviously not by me).
Thursday is another project day, 9am till 5pm in the bioinformatics lab again.
Friday morning off (yay!!) then class at 3pm till 5pm with a workshop (doesnt that just seem like a cruel end to the term?), then somehow getting all my stuff back to Enfield on the bus.
Saturday - celebrate Christmas with the family (maybe Grandad and Ellen too, depends what was sorted out there), present giving, eating Christmas food, drinking.
Sunday - off to the airport, lots of crazy Christmas passengers, threats of delays and cancellations etc.
Somehow in all of this i have to pack, sort out the house, write an essay (i might do that on the flight) and probably some other stuff i've forgotten about.
Busy week.

Eurgh! i feel really crappy.
Its cold, someone keeps turning the heating off even though its 43 degrees F in my room, eating crisps didnt help ... and im all out of ideas now.
Sigh,
And you know how sometimes people say something and you really want to say something back (in a good way, but i guess it works in a bad way too) but it will probably come out wrong, so you dont, but you're thinking it anyway ... and now they'll never know.

ITS CHRISTMAS!!!! (nearly)

Wow i cant wait until Christmas!! its really really close now, (im listening to Christmas songs as i type and we decorated the - very tiny - christmas tree last night so now it really feels like 'tis the season!) Its really hard to concentrate on essays and projects and stuff. Maybe i should have a mince pie break .....

Scholarship!

Yay! I just got an email from Caroline at the student centre entitled
"science and engineering scholarship"
*dances*
Its ready for me to pick up, so im heading down there now!
I guess i must have got a 2:1/1 average last year!

Real Men

Urgh! im really fed up with silly little boys (i had to give myself 20 minutes before i started to write this because i was a tad annoyed). Once again the oven has fused itself (Alec did it a couple of weeks ago - he wouldnt tell me how but a spark came off of the hob apparently and he couldnt figure out how to get the oven to work again so he just left it, i came down in the morning and flipped the fuse back on .... *rolls eyes* the word 'life experience' springs into my head, the second time Liam did it - i think he burnt something onto the hob and didnt bother to clean it off before using it, and Barry almost did it the other day when he turned the top on but the wrong one and there was a empty saucepan on that ring - to his credit he was distracted because he was washing up at the time) Liam fused it earlier when he almost set the fire alarm off for the 6th time in 3 months by once again letting something burn and flow over the side of the pan onto the electric hob (horrible smell, smoke etc). Although apparently this time it wont go back on, i went up to my room to avoid the smell but i could hear Liam talking (and laughing) very loudly to Alec downstairs and then phoning the Landlord to tell him, neither of them thought to change the fuse, he then came up to my room to tell me (in an almost proud way - how is that something to boast about?) Now dont get me wrong none of this bothered me really - id already eaten dinner so it doesnt matter that its not working right now and at least he phoned up the landlord to get it sorted, the thing that bugged me was that he didnt take respondsability for his actions. He came into my room and told me and i asked him what he'd done to fuse it and he said "it wasnt me! i didnt do anything" which is just dumb - he was the only person cooking when it happend and he knows i saw what happened, so why lie?! (it was a rhetorical question if anything) and when i pointed out that he must have done something because it wouldnt have fused by itself he was still adament. Its such a little kid thing to do, flat out deny something even when you're standing there with chocolate all over your face, his 21, its just ridiculous now. Like yesterday someone left the hob on all night (didnt burn the house down - possibly a contribution to the downward turn of the oven though) and everyone knew it was Liam, mainly because he was drunk when he was making dinner and because the ring that was left on was one i never use (im also extremely paranoid about leaving the oven on so i make sure i check to turn it off) and it blatently wasnt Alec because he only ever blasts things in the microwave or has chips in the oven, such is his diet (and i know he had chips last night because there was a ketchup stained plate this morning) and i was there when Liam started using the oven. Yet when i told him (not in an accusing way btw) he swore blind that it definately wasnt him, why?! what does that achieve? i know for a fact it was, and i dont really care who it was it just means we have to be more careful next time, what am i going to do? No-one has any authority over anyone in this house so why would you bother lying?!?! I really dont like stupid child like behaviour in grown men (i dont really want to call them men because to be a man you have to act like it), its like the whole dismissing everything i say as ridiculous thing that Alec does (maybe because im a woman? maybe because he doesnt respect me? who knows) yet when Liam says exactly the same thing he follows every word of it, its actually pretty humourous, he may as well start worshipping at Liams feet. And the whole feeling the need to swear after every word, or be particularly blasphemous when im around even though he knows i dont appreciate it, isnt that just a respect thing? Men respect other people, even people they dont like, they dont pass the buck just to save their own butts, they take responsibility for their actions, they're mature, they do things because the realise they need to be done not because they are told to do them. Boys are still learning this stuff.

Project update

Project update.

Its saturday morning, 9.43am, i am sitting in the LRC at a computer (and have been since sunrise i.e. around 8.40am) starting my project. Well heres the deal, project days start properly on tuesday, thats when we get lab time, but im doing a bioinformatics practical, so i can pretty much do lab work whenever i can get to a computer. So i figured it would be a good idea to do a few test runs of this thing, hence me being in the library so early in the morning, its crazily quiet (only 3 people so far) and im trying to blast the nucleotide sequences, then put a couple into ClustalW in the fasta format and see how they are the same, found a niffty little thing on Ensembl though which seems to have already done the MSA (multiple sequence alignments) for me, with all 32 species .... which could be pretty useful, need to check its right though.

You're my God my King

Do words like "Lord" and "King" work in the context of God when we use them these days?
Expressing what God really is (worth-wise) is a bit of a tricky one anyway, saying "God is awesome" just doesnt really express enough how truly magnificent He is, none of our words really can, even if you decide on the best word to express infinite magnificence you could still call a human that so God is a ridiculous amount above that. So i guess back in the day calling God your Lord or King made sense, a person who rules over you and ultimately decides how you live your life, its not a bad description really. But does it work in 2008? The term King to me denotes an unelected scrounger whose status exists because the masses choose not to revolt against him, someone whose income depends on the masses, performs services to the country (shakes hands of important people of other countries) but ultimately has hardly any authority or power (unless we are talking about killing swans or getting people out of prison) and is not overly well liked. The word Lord makes me think of a fat posh toff who has been given this role either through inheritance or under the table bribes. I guess that might just be because im British though, would it mean anything at all to me if i was American? So using the words Lord or King to mean God dont really say what im wanting them to say. Apparently the word "Lord" comes from an old english word meaning "bread keeper", back from the old custom of a superior providing food for his followers (thanks Wikipedia), that seems more like what i mean. How has the word changed so much in meaning from what it used to be?

Mark 16:15

Yesterday i was complaining about people making constant jabs at me for my beliefs, which is annoying when it happens because people rarely want to sit and discuss the matter long enough for you to explain what it really is that you believe and why you believe that, they are just interested in the comic potential it holds. However its shown that i need to rely on God more, knowing that whatever is happening He will use to His glory in the end. Yesterday i put my annoyance into a facebook status (as you do), which lead Stuart to speak to me today, asking if i was a christian (even though he saw me at the Freshers Fair by the CU - christian union - table and we had an indepth conversation about me believing in God then), we've been discussing God and Jesus and evolution and a million and one other things for over an hour, which has made me ridiculously happy, i got a chance to share my faith!! yay!! Okay sure Stu went back to his dissertation mostly unchanged in his opinions, but it was so great to actually find someone who was interested, and wanted to discuss instead of insult.
How can i share my faith when no one is prepared to listen?

Yay!

YAY, and with a kick of my heels i said a cheery "Good Morning!!" to the lovely reception lady and handed her my essay and enquired as to whether my molecular medicine logbook was back, it was and she wished me luck. I didnt need it, Heddwyn wasnt ever likely to give me anything different than Ralphs grade so 4.5/5% it is! A darn good start to my final grade (you have to bare in mind this is England and they will never give anyone a 5 because perfection is very unlikely). Now after i visit the lab to check on my culture of Staph (at least we think thats what caused Mr Carpenters abcess) later i will be free to enjoy the day! woo hoo!!! Good times.

1,200/2,000

Its 4.45pm on Sunday evening (i wouldnt normally say 4pm is the evening but winter must be here because its pitch black outside), I am sitting in the LRC staring at my essay entitled "discuss the potential of siRNA is treating human diseases"
I have many words written but its not finished yet, and im starting to lose the motivation to finish it tonight, 1,200 /2,000 words done and i havent even got into the huge scope of limitations and then my mamoth conclusion yet, i think im going to have a chop it up a bit, which is a crying shame because i have a precise introduction explaining everything you need to know
and then managed to sync into the process quite nicely and then gave two stinking good examples of the clinical trials (i think ill add a small segway about neurodegenerative diseases and cancer in too) all in under 1,000 words. It wont be the best essay ive ever written thats for sure. So instead i am occassionally staring at a review paper called 'interfering with disease: a progress report on siRNA-based therapeutics' (a very handy little number i found late last night), playing internet games and staring out of the huge window at the horrible weather that awaits me when i decide to give up on this and head home (its raining ... a lot). On the plus side there is a slice of pizza awaiting me and two new arm chairs (the landlord gave us this morning so now no one has to sit on the floor). The essay is due friday, and i have tuesday, wednesday and thursday off so im thinking i could finish it then ....
I guess i am always thinking 'itll be better once ive done this', not just the essay but everything in life, itll be better once i graduate, itll be better once i finish this class, itll be better when i move out of home, itll be better once im married, but im continually aiming for something that doesnt get realised, the best times are the ones waiting for that thing to happen. I will finish the essay and then ill be just as stressed out about something new, or even worse ill be bored because i wont be sure what to spend my time doing (not likely but a possiblity). Subconciously i know this. I guess ill brave the weather and read this review at home on the new chair, with my pizza ..... and the guys distracting me.

I had never ...

So i am talking to Stu (he is putting off writing his speech) who was looking through my photos and said (and i quote) "you are too cool for school mrs" (oh yeah thats me).
But it made me think of all the stuff i did last year that ive never done before

Its like one of those poems
Before i lived in America i had never ....
Rode a jetski, owned chickens, been on a roadtrip across the States, been in a casino, dressed up on halloween, eaten smores, stayed in a snow covered cottage in the mountains, celebrated thanksgiving, drove in another country, seen a shuttlecock that was taller than me, seen a man bucked from a horse, had best friends that were Australian, Mexican or American, been around when a ice storm hit, or a tornado, been a part of a murder mystery play, got univeristy credit for fencing, spent my easter holidays on a missions trip delivering easter baskets and tidying peoples gardens, been baptized, spent every sunday surrounded by friends, hiked for miles at sunrise, pulled a emergency shower cord just to see what happened ...
what else?

I have to say, im totally loving the phrase
"he is as bent as a nine bob note"
Just heard it today for the first time since ive been back in England, good stuff my cockney chums, good stuff.

Brilliant! Just don't mention the war

More project news

Ah good times, i just had a meeting with Ela to discuss my project, it turned out Andreas was free too so we went down to his office, the hilarity of it all, incase you dont know who these people are i will fill you in - Andreas is very German, he has the kind of accent people pull out when they are pretending to be German. He also looks like you would expect a protein scientist to look, balding, glasses, smart and proper .... like i said he is very German. Ela is from somewhere in Europe ... not quite sure where (Holland?), she has an awesome accent, its soft and flows, it would be quite easy to fall asleep in her lecture if she didnt make learning so fun (interactive games and such). Anyway, i was the only English person in the room (big contrast to the meeting with Tim - Tim is how i imagine a true English gent to be, i would be very surprised if he doesnt enjoy playing cricket at weekends.) It was great. Both are really lovely people and im really pumped about this project. Its pretty much going to be luck if i come out with any actual findings but they have ridiculously huge implications if i do.

Project update

Woo hoo!!! Am making progress, today was a great day, essay is getting written (not finished but is getting somewhere) Ela emailed me back about the project and its just been an all round lovely day. (Have been speaking to Weston on msn for a couple of hours now, it could well be that too.) I now have my final project title (no switching now this is a keeper)

"Searching for interacting regions within huntingtin and its partner proteins using correlated mutation analysis."
I'm going to be identifying sequences, finding conserved regions that have changed throughout evolution, looking for correlated mutations, basically im furthering research into revealing the function of huntingtin. (A protein associated with Huntingtons Disease).
Awesomeness!
Now i need to email Andreas ...

Project progress

Emailed Tim on monday morning asking about possibility of bioinfomatics project, Tim emailed back an hour later saying basically 'sure! but email Steve because i dont know anything about it'. Emailed Steve two seconds later. 3 hours later, reply from Steve "email Rachel Fox" or something to that affect. Emailed Rachel 2 seconds later. No reply. Visited Rachels office at 5.30pm (after class) she was just leaving but had quick chat, some things got suggested and she was supposed to email me. Tuesday - no email, Wednesday - no email, Thursday - no email, Emailed Rachel Thursday afternoon - was sick of waiting. Reply from Rachel Friday morning "Email Steve" or something to this affect. Emailed Steve 2 seconds later. Two hours later, reply from Steve "Project being sorted - Email Ela about title and info then Andreas who will supervise the project" Two seconds later, emailed Ela. Am awaiting reply.

Still no news on the new project ... am starting to worry.

A weeks worth of news

So whats happening this week?

Friday was halloween, with very predictable lack of trick or treaters as usual (at both mums house and 28 Deerswood). Saturday saw Amys present giving (her birthday had been and gone but she was in Tooting) along with Lolas 1st birthday (the real reason she came back to Enfield i assume). Sunday saw Lewis Hamilton get the fifth place he needed in F1, with mixed reactions (Lucy was very happy but the guys were cheering on Massa because Hamilton is an arrogant .... man). Yesterday saw a potential change in project again (there is a possibility for a Huntingtons genetic bioinformatics project that i am extremely excited about) and today everyone is talking about the US elections. Theres no point asking me who i would vote for, im not american, and if i were american i would probably have a different outlook to the one i have right now so i might vote differently, so it seems a silly question, my priorities as an English person are different to the priorities of America. Anyway it seems like the rest of the world wants Obama to win, as always people are easily overwhelmed by charisma and this guy has it in bucketloads, even if everything else he says is a load of rubbish, it makes me wonder if his spin doctors could actually write him a speach that didnt contain the word "change" and if they did what would be left?? The BBC seems very much to be on his side, satrical news programmes not even contemplating the idea that McCain might win, its taken as a given in, his 72 and its a bit of a joke, the other party had to have a candidate, this one will do. Little Britain (the television comedy) has a spin off called Little Britain USA or something along those lines where they do the usual gay prime minister gag except the gay guy is now the prime minister (because Blair has been thrown out and Brown is now in power) and he has meetings with the President - a young black guy .... yup the BBC knows who it would have voted for. It makes me laugh when people say "people wont vote for Obama because his black, i would have voted for him, its about time they had a black president" A statement still ridiculously racist. Are people really voting for someone because of their skin colour over policies?? whether it sways your vote for or against it doesnt matter its still racism, colour has nothing to do with it, nor does sex, these are just gimicks. However the charisma factor does remind me of the attitude when Blair became Prime minister, he was young and charismatic, everyone loved him, he said the right things at the right time, but this cant go on forever, the media wont love you eternally, one day things will go wrong, spectactually wrong, so is life. A great turn out so far though, it seems everyone has an opinion about this historic decision, the same decision in England would be met with much greater lethargy, voter turn outs are extremely low, because people dont like either party and if they did prefer one they assume none of their policies would be put into action anyway because politicians lie, so why bother? Kayleighs explanation of why she doesnt use the vote which women fought so hard to get her was that when a party comes along with policies she actually agrees with she will vote for them but shes not going to vote for the lesser of two evils because they are still after all an evil, (or something to that effect), contraversal maybe but i hope it makes Kayleigh happy that i got her name in here.

So i guess we will wait and see what happens, be McCain or Obama, England will be celebrating with fireworks tomorrow.

A bit of an explanation

Just in case you were wondering.
Yesterday morning i deactivated facebook for good. Unfortunately it was a bit spare-of-the-moment so i didnt let anyone know before hand (so there was no big farewell from facebook party - you all would have been invited). Facebook is ever so slightly addictive when you cant see your friends everyday and at the moment there are a lot more important things i should be concentrating on than talking to people i went to primary school with. So fear not, i still love you all, and i miss you a ridiculous amount and if anyone wants to email me or add me on msn then please go ahead (sophie_pinwill@hotmail.com). But hopefully i wont be back on facebook until May (... maybe).

Wear Sunscreen

Every day should be started out thinking 'Today is going to be a better day'
Even if the signs suggest it wont be, we should always be optomistic, faith that things will turn out alright in the end, because what do we have if we dont have faith?

Don't worry about whats been or whats to come, or worry but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum, the real troubles in your life are apt to be things that will never cross your worried mind, the kind of thing that blind sights you at 4pm on some idle tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you, eat a toad for breakfast, get it out of the way and watch how wonderful the world looks for the rest of the day in comparison.

Autumn Wonderland

Hello dear friends!
Last night it snowed, not very much (a couple of cm's worth max) but it snowed none the less, which made pretty much every student in Hatfield very happy, there was much frolicking going on outside as Liam and I went to investigate whether it would snow enough for his practical to be cancelled (it hadnt). What a wonderful thing snow is, everyone wears silly woollen hats and mittens, throwing frozen water at people is suddenly acceptable and however rubbish your snowman, is people think you are cool for taking the time and frostbite to attempt it!

It also makes people slow down a bit, whether its to take the time to run about and play with your fellow crazy people or just to walk or drive slower to where you are going, I stopped to say "good morning" to an old gentleman who was extremely well wrapped up and he wished me a good morning back, what a difference a slightly colder rain makes. So now i am snug and warm in the LRC, with a perfect view out of the front over the snow covered car park, which is unsurprisingly quite empty, people just look so happy, how wonderful it is.

Bliss

I am supposed to be napping (shhh dont tell Kayleigh)
Instead i have turned on the heating, turned up my music and am sitting in a ray of sunshine directed on my bedroom floor, the house is empty for once, it is bliss.
I dont think i ever want to leave this spot.

Happy Birthdays

Today would have been my dads 52nd birthday and my great uncle Kenny's 86th (? - lets see my mums 51 and nan was 21 when she had her and uncle ken was 14 years older than nan so 86 right?)

Happy Birthday daddy!

I have a headache

This would be the good day!

Lol, geez how awesome is God?! That was a really quick answer to prayer.

I just got back from a 'Study abroad' meeting.
During induction week i somehow got tricked into doing a talk to all of the second years about studying abroad, it was quick and made up on the spot because Areles specifically said it was a Q&A not a talk but sprung it on us when we got in there. Anyway i think i made my point about how awesome it was.
I am the only bioscience student to have studied in another country for at least 5 years (its quite possibly more than that, its one of those since the records began scenerios) so Areles wanted to show me off like a dancing monkey. Today Julia asked us to come along and chat informally with students who had got interested in the scheme since the talk, i wasnt particularly looking forward to it, but i went because i really do believe in the scheme and i want to encourage more people to get involved. I got chatting to a few students and then stumbled across a few biology types little by little, i dont know that i counted them all but i spoke to at least 9 or 10 people that had heard what i had had to say during the induction week and thought that it sounds like something they wanted to be a part of. It was pretty awesome to have people asking loads of questions and being able to give them insight and help. And it was so encouraging to see that people actually listened to what i said and that inspired them to do something new, how cool is that! Totally made my day.

Day five

Eurgh
I could really do with a good day

Day four (and a bit)

Okay i just counted and give or take a day or two (depending on when final exams are and stuff) there are 80 days in uni in total (thats a full monday, occasionally a lab on thursday morning, and evening class on friday and then lab days in the lab 9 - 5)

so 4 down 76 to go ....

Day four

ARGHHHH!!!!!!

How many days are there left? I think i might lose my voice if i have to scream for too long.

Anyone for tea?

Day two is over and gone and day three is just beginning. Today i awoke at 6am (which is actually a wonderful nights sleep considering i fell asleep at 9.30pm) The reason for this was not my alarm clock (which was set for 7, even though classes dont start until 3) it was also not whoever was walking about downstairs, it was a combination of needing the bathroom and having a great internal philosophical debate about the likelyhood of evolution, stemming from a conversation with Jon a long time ago where his soul arguement was "well you wouldnt want to come out of a monkeys butt would you?" which infuriated me so much at the multitude of things wrong with the statement that my mind has only just been able to think about it again, but lets not get into metaphysics. The theme of my blog is something much more mundane, a cup of tea. Having got up, put on two jumpers (we are still refusing to put the heaters on even though it was around 5 degree C this morning, 40 degrees F), my boots and glasses and heading downstairs to get some breakfast i decided that the only thing that would warm me up (i was at that stage where you have a cold nose and theres not an awful lot of things you can wear to warm up your nose) was a cup of tea, which of course meant that my breakfast should be crumpets. So i am now sitting at my desk writing this blog and checking my schedule for the day drinking potentially the worlds greatest cup of tea, i am wondering if my lack of tea drinking has made this cup taste even better than usual because it is surely a wonderful thing, a marvel in its time, i would save it and preserve it for all to taste but then it would get cold and noone appreciates a cold cup of tea so i have drunk it all, for the good of the nations, we cant have people being demoralised by the promise of great tea not being realised. Anyway enough with this waffle, i think you can tell that it was a mighty cup of tea, which makes me think about the tea drinking nation we are, there is very little a cup of tea cant solve, a marriage is in ruins - the first thing anybody says is "ill go put the kettle on shall i?" (of course its a retorical question, nobody would ever say no - imagine the outrage "no Margret i dont want another blooming cup of tea my life is in ruins! wheres the alcohol?!"), a person dies and the bereaved have a very strong brew thrust into there hands before their tears hit the floor, some kind of urinary infection? the answer will probably be that the warm water will be good for you. Tea can do a lot, or maybe just the thought that tea can do a lot gives tea the reigns to do a lot (psychologically i mean .... not that tea could go conquer the world or anything) It is a great stress reliever, lowering the heart rate also eleviating emotional stress (but that could be a social thing because who doesnt sit with a group of friends and drink there tea and chat about life) The biggest energy surge seen all year round on the national grid tends to be after England get kicked out of the Football World Cup, normally to some substandard team which we should have beaten easily, and of course every person in the country is watching (the surge doesnt come from the tv usage, its from when penalties are over, the game is lost and someone says "oh well .... who wants a cuppa?", the national grid watch the power surge as everyone simultaneously switches on the kettle)
So, tea is rather special is all im saying really

Day one

No need to blog lets leave this at an

ARGGGGHHH!!

James McAvoy and Maids of Honour

The joys of having sisters are too great to list, Amy is in Hatfield visiting Alice (and me by default) so i invited myself round (one of the joys being you are allowed to invite yourself to things and they generally dont mind, in fact they tend to give you food and a hug). After laughing our heads off at the x factor we watched Becoming Jane, a movie about the life of Jane Austen (which was all very depressing and didnt have a happy ending, as is real life i guess). I don't know why people always love the dark mysterious guy so much, Amy and Alice were so disappointed that Jane and whoever James McAvoy's character was didnt get married in the end (possibly because they both love James McAvoy so much) but he wasnt really that great!! (not that anyone listened) i was sitting there from the beginning saying 'she didnt even give poor Mr Wisley a chance!' and he seemed so sweet as well, it was crazy i would have married the nice guy, not the one who runs off with someone else because they have means. To which the retort was 'Soph you would make a terrible romance novalist, Jane gets married to Mr Wisley because he seems like a nice guy who would treat her well and she would probably grow to like him more than Lefroy' Of course the lack of heartache and lonely loveless life would have meant that pride and prejudice and other great novels wouldnt have been written but theres another place where its a bit messed up, am i the only person in the world who though Mr Darcy although very good looking wasnt that great?? Pretentious and snooty come to mind. Mr Bingley on the other hand was so lovely, i guess i would have had to be Jane Bennet and marry the kind man. Sure Darcy had hidden depths but why would you want to be married to somebody who was horrible to people until they earnt his respect? Well anyway this discussion (along with a list of jobs i wouldnt be particularly good at - namely romance novalist and hairdresser - Liam currently has patchy pink hair) lead on to Amy telling Alice to get married soon so she could be her bridesmaid, and then asking us both to be her bridesmaids if she ever gets married, which of course i objected to, because i look very awkward in bridesmaids dresses. Amy of course was very offended and said i didnt get a say in the matter and that if i wasnt bridesmaid i would have to do something very silly like a talk or a limerick and that she expected to be bridesmaid at my wedding even though i protested that i only really wanted little girls as bridesmaids not my old maid of a sister, im surprised i didnt get hit round the head at this point. Well this is pretty much when it all got rather silly. But the take home message is, if you ever wondered what women talk about when guys arent around it might be something along the lines of this - James McAvoy and who gets to be the maid of honour at their wedding.

Here's your OAP card the line for the free bus pass is over there

Last night i found out i am officially too old to go to the Font. Okay well there isnt an age limit, and i am still only 22 but i guess it dawned on me that i feel too matured to be there anymore. We went last night (Barry, Liam and myself) after Liam dyed his hair pink and maybe it was because its the first time i've been there when i havent been drunk but everyone just seemed so young (it is still freshers week, the freshers are pretty much living at the Font and ele house at the moment) and silly. I was standing there with my glass of coke watching some crazy 18 year olds do some crazy dancing and then head off to the toilets to throw up and a girl who had had way too much to drink flirting with every guy around her and then go back to the drink she'd left unattended for a good 20 minutes and i thought 'why on earth did i pay to get in here??'. Trying to wriggle out of conversations with drunken guys throwing alcohol at me really just isnt fun. I am officially a grumpy old person, but im going to embrace this fact, because it seems to me like its quite a wonderful thing never to have to go to the Font again, think of the money ill save, think of how great ill feel each morning i dont wake up with a hangover, think of all the people i wont have to avoid who chatted me up the night before and i had to go hide from, think of the terrible pictures that wont be posted on facebook, think of the clearing up the staff wont have to do when i get brought drinks all night by strangers but dont drink them because they might have been spiked.
So Cheers to this wonderful new existence! *raises a pint of water* and thank you Lord for saving me from something i didnt realise i needed saving from.

Bye!

Today uni begins .... scary times, Liam has just woken up and informed me his watch has a 7'oclock on it that he wasnt aware of before, Alec is unsurprisingly still in bed, nobody knows what has happened to Barry and im sitting in my room on the internet waiting for Kayleigh to come round for breakfast, ah good times. Unfortunately it gets completely terrifying soon, all my modules are ridiculously hard, i have a seminar, 2 vivas, 3 'pick your own' essays (lets face it they're term papers), 1 project complete with full paper write up (thesis) and lab work, 3 three hour unseen exams, .... oh and of course the classes! and as if that wasnt enough to keep me busy im adding working with the studyabroad people, voluntary work (both with Nightline, the Union and Timebank) and finding a church .... eurgh its gonna be a stressful year, im going to say 'bye' now just incase i dont have time to blog again until Christmas!

You learn something new every day

Here are some random things i thought everyone would be interested to read (or not) ....

- The semester starts on monday but we dont start classes until the 6th of October
- I am working 18 hours this weekend
- I lost half a stone since i moved to uni
- However much i dont like sharing a room i feel safer when i do and consequently have much fewer sleepless nights.
- Waffles and syrup in England .... not good
- Also deep fried mars bar - not good!
- It was the bus drivers last day so he only charged me £1.50
- I felt like i knew that was going to happen
- I have £7.70 in my pocket .... actually make that £7.71
- Sperm whales are so called because sailors thought the wax stuff (spermaceti) on the head cavities of the whales was actually sperm, and that same stuff is used in many cosmetics (gross huh?)

Still waiting on the router

So apparently i am the only person on our street crazy enough to open the door at 9am to the jehovahs witnesses, we've chatted twice now in about 2 weeks. I was told everybody else on the street was out (which i know isnt true because i just saw them all hiding) and have hence been invited round for coffee .... the guys were upstairs laughing, they said im too kind. I think though it might be that im just too stupid, both times i assumed it was FedEx with our wireless router. The tricky thing is i really want to be able to question them on their theology instead of them questioning me on mine but its 9am! I think they do that on purpose, and to be fair it hasnt been an awfully busy week so discussing God with some new people isnt such a horrific thought. This weekend however instead of going to stay at Amy's as planned ive been asked to work, which is much welcomed because im hoping for a quiet time of just me in the shop reading genetics papers and getting paid to do so, and it will stop me staying around here partying at the Font or worrying about Uni starting, so i figure God worked things out this way for my own good, yay for that!

England mourns

We just took Bryan and Misty to the airport (Kayleigh and I) and i cried on the way home, i miss them already, luckily i have a fantastic friend like Kayleigh to buy me cake and milkshake to make me feel better. I think i can safely say everybody had a fantastic time because Bryan and Misty are so wonderful and because England is also pretty fantastic. We didnt have any rain the whole time they were visiting (Misty was a little sad about this because she had a umbrella all prepared) which is very unusual for England and sure enough at 2.45pm (their plane was supposed to depart at 2.25) it started to rain and it hasnt stopped yet, they surely did bring the weather with them and unfortunately took it back too .... It seemed to me like even England was sad that they left.

A quick hello

This weekend Bryan and Misty have come to visit, we are having a totally fantastic time, that said i dont have much time to blog because we are all having too much fun so this is just to say

'Hi!'

Why boys don't do washing up and girls aren't keen on woodlice

This year i am living in a house with 3 guys, apparently i am crazy. There are only three of us here at the moment (Barry plans to move in on the 22nd) and things have gotten a little bit gross. The downside of living with boys it seems is that they never do the washing up, it doesnt even seem to cross their minds to do it, even when there are no cups .... they just make do, what a wonderful existence it must be, sitting in your jammies all day shooting bad guys on the PS3, dehydrating rather than washing up a cup. It doesnt really bother me because its pretty much like that at home, im the only one who seems to care if things grow mold. So things pretty much go like this, i wake up 5 hours before everyone else (its lovely and quiet until 1pm), go around closing all the windows (because its blooming cold outside but none of us wants to pay for the heating so we wear big jumpers instead, however someone keeps leaving all the windows open .....) and then go to get breakfast and have to search for a plate even though im sure i washed up everything i used last night, there are various things growing mold that dont belong to me that i poke at with a stick from time to time to check they aren't dangerous yet. Strange thing is though if you say to the guys 'ewww this is gross!!! go do your washing up will you' they go 'what? oh *shrug* okay sure' and get right onto it .... its like they dont care about doing it they just didnt think of it. I dont get that. Its like laundry and showers, i've used the washing machine a couple of times since i started living here but im pretty sure i'm the only one and i have suspicions im the only one who takes a shower longer than 50 seconds. So im thinking that when we said 'boys are smelly' when we were 5 we were actually right. However there are some upsides of living with guys, if you find one of those sneaky woodlice that somehow seem to keep getting into our house, even though the front door is locked, and you squeal 'ahhh! woodlice!!' someone normally laughs and puts it outside, unless their feeling mean and then they try and throw it in your jelly. They're also not too bad at opening jars ....

FINAL YEAR

Well it just got confirmed for good that i am going back to uni on the 29th, incase you didnt know i was having problems re-enrolling online (it seems everyone had some kind of a problem, either changing their address or apparently not existing) But now it has been confirmed, i am taking eukaryotic molecular biology(EMB), molecular medicine and biotechnology(MMB), the dreaded thesis project and clinical immunology and microbial pathology(CIMP), this is all that stands between me and a few letters after my name, lets face it im only doing this degree because i want to be Miss Sophie Pinwill BSc (Hons), its quite a lot of time, effort and money for 7 letters really .... kinda seems like i could have got my name changed by depol with the same effect. Anyway now its time to get serious about studying .... i better go get some print credit

A Churchless Sunday

Today was a churchless day, but not in a bad way, if that makes sense. Im currently in between churches, technically ive moved into my new house in Hertfordshire, but i came back to stay at my mums house for a few days so i could help out (and boy has it been a busy week!). So even though i had mentally prepared myself to be at a new church this sunday i was quite happy at the thought of going to Hillsong one last time but that didnt really happen. Let me explain, you may have noticed i've been a little down lately, which sucks but is a part of life, well when this was going on even though i have fantastic friends who are always lovely i didnt really feel like i could rely on anyone for help, people unfortunately let you down, even though they dont normally mean to. Well God doesnt .... (im not an idiot this isnt a new revelation). Anyway i've been asking God to give me opportunities to help people, because i like to help people, it makes me feel happy and perhaps its a good opportunity to show Jesus (?) and i often wonder if my actions are selfish so to be able to do things to help others in an unselfish manner (which in retrospect might be slightly contradictory because helping people makes me feel good ....) Anyway i've been asking for this a lot and i imagine God reacting like my mum does when someone offers to cook dinner, something along the lines of 'SURE!! knock yourself out!' followed by a quick exit from the kitchen, but maybe without the kitchen part .... i cant really imagine God having a kitchen. So basically Gods been throwing a lot of opportunities my way, one of which was clearing out my nans loft, which might not seem like a biggy but there was so much stuff up there and it all had to be shifted so the council can put insulating stuff down to save on her heating bill (which is a good thing because shes not rich and energy prices are going up like crazy), so it was me and my cousin Barry (whos very strong by the way - i on the other hand am not!) covered in dirt and dust but being thanked by my nan for a job well done. So this was this morning/ afternoon and by the time i had got home with some food shopping and lent Eliot my last fiver so he could go out with his friends i realised i was, 1. gonna be late for church and 2. too poor to get the train anyway, so no i didnt get to go to church today but of all possible reasons i think that was a pretty good one.

Who do you think you are?

Today is a better day, it is only 6am so far but im sure it is going to be. For some reason God has awoken me at 6am (which actually is pretty nice because normally im awake all night) and for some reason i have this hilarious story my mum was telling us about our ancestors on my mind so i figured i would share the hilarity, maybe you need a laugh, maybe it would just interest you to see what kind of dormant genes i have residing in me, maybe you have watched all the episodes of Poirot and are looking for something, anything to read - well this can be that something.

Let me set the scene, Alice, Eliot, my mum and myself were sitting in the living room watching a programme on the telly called 'who do you think you are?' where famous people look back at their genelogy and find out interesting stuff about their ancestors, Boris Johnson (the new Mayor of London) is related to royalty and last night Ester Rantzen found out she was related to a diamond billionaire. Anyway Alice was asleep on one sofa, mum and i were on the other and Eliot was laying on the floor (later to jump on my legs and almost break them). Once it had finished (and my mum had successfully talked all the way through it) mum asked us what we knew about our ancestors, Eliot and I shrugged and assured her we probably werent related to any famous or rich people. She then went on to tell us some stories about what she had been told about her ancestors. Now we already knew a limited about about dad's side of my family because its a very uncommon name (in fact the only people with the name in the phone book are very closely related to me) and my dads sister had done a bit of research on the family, but apart from a few hilarious rumours flying about i knew nothing about the Roberts side. Aparently my grandads grandparents were from Ireland (to which Eliot and I retorted 'haha we're pikeys!' - when the celebrities look back at their ancestors they always seem to be a little dismayed if their is anything sinister there like a murderer or something, well im pretty sure my family wouldnt care less if our ancestors had got up to anything like that but if you told them they were pikeys that would cause an uproar). She told us that his grandad, a man hilariously called Harry Potter, was a 5 foot 2 bare knuckle fighter, a scary man who liked to drink pretty heavily (well of course he was irish) and his grandmother was found at 70 years old having sex on the kitchen table (possibly not with her husband), apparently she only had one eye or one leg, so now poor Eliot has a very scary image of a one eyed one legged old woman imprinted in his memory. As for my nans side of the family, there is a very old picture of these sisters (i think there were about four of them) and my nan would always say that was the quiet one, and that one ran off with somebody and she was the religious one who didnt have any children. They are a strange looking crew, all with ridiculous looking hair living in the East end of London. So what i can sum up from that side of my family is pretty much all the men drank very heavily and all the women were very scary looking and dominated their husbands (which might explain the drinking) oh and there is the possibility that someone got kicked out of England and taken to Australia somewhere along the line for some misdoings. As to dad's side there is somewhere back there a french woman called Sophie and the rest are all just names after you discount all the people i met in person.

So what does this tell you about where i am coming from you may well be asking? Well probably a motley rabble of crazy people, with crazy hair, drinking and anger problems, where women ruled the house and everyone pitched in to make whatever little money they survived on. We can all be pretty sure they were darn poor but it doesnt seem like they were overly bothered about that and more than anything it looks like they all loved each other very much and were happy with what they were. So really who cares if they werent that smart or there are a few criminal activities going on back there. But there is a strong possibility of a few genetic throw backs that any children i have in the future have to look forward to!

The bad bits

Okay let me apologise before i start and give a kinda warning thing. I'm feeling really crappily low right now so this blog will probably not be the cheeryist you have ever read, therefore if you are currently in a good mood i'd suggest not reading it, i dont want to bum you out as well, thats just mean.

Now if you didnt heed that warning its your own fault if you get bummed out, im renouncing all responsibility. Im sitting in the LRC writing this because we dont have internet connection at the new house yet and probably more because Liams driving me crazy already and we've only been living there a day (and i didnt even stay the night, not because of that, more because of various car related issues) Yesterday was a long day of moving stuff and organising stuff and Liam breaking the door half an hour after we had moved in and discussing things with the landlord and such and i was running on all of about 2 hours sleep, oh and im extremely hormonal at the moment (thats probably the main reason for feeling so low but knowing the reason why you are low rarely helps you feel better it just makes you think 'great but i cant do anything to change that!') so when i finally got 5 seconds to myself (i guess Liam had been doing something important downstairs because he'd been following me around like a lost puppy all day, i really like having the openess in a house for everyone to have their doors open when they're in but when that means there is someone standing at the door all the time talking to you you have to think twice and start keeping it shut - sometimes even locked - all the time.) it all caught up to me and i started to cry. Anyway i texted Hilary because shes normally pretty cheery but that didnt really work, because she is brilliant at doing cheery when you're already high but ... well anyway then Barry came round to see the landlord (even though he isnt moving in until the 22nd) and that was brilliant, it was fun and happy and i guess its just so much better when theres more people around. When the landlord went Barry had to leave and i had to take my mums car back (it was pretty late by the time i got home and my mum was too tired to drive me back so i said id get the bus back in the morning and she was thankful). I think i got even less sleep last night, if any, and i didnt have any of my contact lens stuff with me so i was blind until i got back to the house this morning (it made getting the bus very strange, seriously im very short sighted, thank God for the 610 being a pink bus, because a pink moving blur is much easier to recognise). Anyway its been raining all day (of course its England) and i already have a cold so now sleepings going to be even harder. I realise im just moaning now, im sorry, i know im ungrateful, theres no 'but' here, i have no reason to be, God has been very good to me.

But on the brighter side of things Alice found my passport (it had been in her room .... dont ask me why) which is great because it means i dont have to get a new one but she had just given it to me and i was driving a car full of my belongings past an airport and it took quite a lot of will power not to just get on a plane to somewhere that isnt England (even Scotland looks pretty good right now and you know what i think of Scotland), to be fair im still contemplating it.
Anyway basically what im saying here is im really low, i think i might pack up a small bag and go back to my mums for a couple of days, i have to be there to work this weekend anyway. But im wondering if thats just a step backwards .... i dunno, maybe i should go to the doctors while im there because ive been feeling down a lot recently and thats not normal .....
:(

The big move

Tomorrow i am moving to Hatfield for the year, i think i might have hyped it up a bit too much because now im having doubts and am thinking it probably wont be as good as im hoping it will be, which is slightly depressing.

Oh well i wont know until it happens! Bring on tomorrow!

Sleep?

Good morning! Today is day 4 (i think) of my lack of sleep insomnia thing and i think i have got to a stage that im so tired im actually going slightly crazy, its not complete sleep deprevation im getting about 2 hours and then i start having seriously awful nightmares which wake me up (thats pretty unusual in itsself im used to screaming / sleepwalking through bad dreams) and then i wake up ready to be sick. Needless to say im a little tired and ive had to check through what im writing about ten times because the spelling and probably comprehension is terrible.
Anyway im sitting at the computer because there isnt a whole lot else to do in the middle of the night when everybody else is asleep and im playing minesweeper (you know? its one of those little games that are on every computer) I'm not quite sure what it is about minesweeper, maybe its the strange little yellow smiley face that looks a bit worried when you click on a potential mine or the fact that its about mines but i think that game is hilarious. Maybe its just me but sometimes i feel a bit guilty when i click the wrong button and blow all the mines up, i guess because im secretly imagining that im really on the bomb squad and they have told me 'Sophie there are 99 mines out there somewhere, you're our best agent, go stop them before they blow up he village' and then the villagers are like 'yay!' Is that just me? how about when you win and the little yellow smiley face puts on his shades? isnt that just your motivation for playing the game?? *yawn* don't laugh at me im very tired ....

Woo Hoo!!!

Yay! Finally finally finally my YENA report (im guessing that stands for something like Year Exchange in North America) is complete! and has been handed in at the C.P. Snow reception, i have the receipt to prove it and everything, its amazing how wonderfully happy this one little piece of paper can make you, its almost as great a feeling as my G.C.S.E. (general certificate of secondary education) grade paper made me, maybe not quite that high .... but its up there. I have to say though, i would have put it up here for everyone to read but it was the biggest load of nonsense ever, i mean its very well written (i wouldn't have given it in if it wasn't) and the context is there, basically i made the best of what they asked, but what they were asking was the most boring load of drival, its supposed to make me gain some kind of realisation of the skills i have developed through the experience and give a clear opportunity for reflection and review but they gave me a outline with 'helpful' guidance notes which basically said we don't want you to write about any personal experiences, just tell us what Hertfordshire is doing well and how it compares to other uni's, how are you supposed to do that without intergrating your personal experiences?!!? Maybe its just the scientist in me coming through but how can you make a statement of comparison without giving some evidence to back it up? and i had to make this into 2,500 words .... craziness

Anyway enough of a rant, as strange as it sounds it felt fantastic driving into Hatfield, one of those coming home feelings where you cant help but let out a sigh of relief and relax a little bit. Im excited about monday, seeing Liam and Barry again, having space to have things out of a suitcase, extreme jenga, Liams cooking ....
I think you can tell im grinning

Christmas

Well i guess things have been decided! I'm spending Christmas at Christens place this year!! There were two clauses that i had to sort out before i could book any flights/ say for certain that i was coming,
1. Are there any flights at the times i have off that werent really expensive
2. More importantly, i had to tell my mum and check she was okay with it.

Well number one was looked into ages ago, i'd been putting off the second one until last night but she was in an unusually good mood so i just went for it and after an initial 'oh' which seemed ominous she was okay with it, think the phrase was 'if thats what you want to do, i guess one of you has to start it off, thought it would have been Amy though' she was refering to not being there on Christmas morning ... even though Amy lives in her own place a good hour and a half away she always comes back and stays at my mums house over Christmas, making Alices room even more full.

Well i guess i better book some flights ....

Im too tired to think up a title ...

This week has been LONG, and so exhausting, i bearly have the energy to write a blog, and its not even over yet, tomorrow im looking after the twins and then im working saturday, sunday and bank holiday monday,

eurgh!

Gareth

I've just had an extremely distressing conversation with Gareth, and its been such a good sunday as well, which almost never happens. I really dont get the idea of closure, i wonder if its just a way for people with obsessive compulsive disorder to continually bring up really painful situations with people who dont want to discuss them. And why does this conversation have to happen anyway??? why would you need to know how things ended from my point of view when you were the one doing the dumping?? doesnt that sound ridiculous???? I realise unblocking him from facebook may not have been the best idea in the world but it was really on my mind to do, i dont like unfriending someone, it seems really unnecessarily cruel and i really really aspire to be a nice person. So why would you bring this up again? its been almost a whole year, thats a long time and im okay with what happend now, im actually thankful that it happend, so why is it painful to have to talk about it again? doesnt that suck? how am i getting blamed for something that really wasnt my fault? How do you show Jesus in this situation?

God?? God???? I can't hear you you're gonna have to speak a bit louder!

Do you ever lay in bed at night wondering things? Sometimes its more of a prayer like 'why on earth am i still here??' or 'why why why did i do that??' or sometimes its a bit more complex like 'why does the Bible have the geneology of Jesus at the beginning of Matthew if really his Gods son, is it just to try to show he was a Jew or am i missing something?'

Or sometimes things come up when im praying like '.... i think i love you, but im not really sure what love means, i read this thing where it said - love is a decision, a decision to invest in another person's life, to help them get the best out of everything, to give them time, energy and compassion; a decision to stick with them though the tough spots, to learn to say im sorry and start again - so, i know you love me, and i know i love other people, but im not sure if i always do that for you, so is it wrong of me to say i love you?' This tends to go on a while, i rarely say Amen anymore because normally ill be talking and digressing and wanting to know so much stuff that prayer gones on a long time and i just fall asleep. Which actually reminds me of something, theres something about psalms 69 that stuck a chord, im not sure what, usually i find reading the King James Bible pretty hard going, its like i know kinda what there getting at but most of its over my head and i end up switching Bibles halfway through, but this was like my prayers, im drowning God save me and help me but can you do it a bit speedily please? because sometimes i wonder if it takes a while for my prayers to get through, its like im using dial up connection and everyone else has broadband, ill pray and things will be really really bad and i could do with some help sharpish but itll go on like that for another couple of days and then BAM its all sorted out, God to the rescue, and im sitting there wondering how i could possibly forsee the future and start praying two days before things actually get bad so i can get a little help straight away.

Crazy ideas?

Wow im bored! My life has officially become a monotonous drone. I really feel like i need to do something crazy to stop myself going insane. This happens occasionally so its nothing to be concerned about, occassionally im perfectly happy with working and studying and all that good stuff but then i just get to a point where i cant take anymore and that frankly bores the clogs off of me (not that i wear clogs but i felt like i wanted to say the word clog in my blog today .... you know because it rhymes .... see how bored i am!!) The most radical thing i have done lately is made the decision to let my hair be curly (except at work when it doesnt really work out too well) and thats really not awfully radical, its more laziness than anything! I wonder if part of this is because i dont have a car, because when you have a car you can make the decision to drive to a different country whenever you jolly well feel like it, but thats kinda hard to do when you'd have to walk there. :( i miss BLT.
So, any ideas?

My worth

So i just got paid, woo! but i think i must have written my hours down wrong because i didnt get sunday pay when i very annoyingly worked on sunday! Im slightly outraged, but the outrage was cooled by the fact that i had £210 in my hand at the time. Anyway as i was walking the 3 miles back home (it gives me a lot of time to think) i was working out some stuff, namely £210 seems like a lot of money for working 5 days, but really its not, not when you go back to what it really is. I am basically selling my time, my time at the moment is worth £6.10 an hour (except on sundays when i remember to write my hours on the correct day, then my time is more valuable and goes for around £7.50 a hour) Okay sure when im bumming about on facebook for 20 minutes in theory that is £2 i could have earnt there and it seems pretty worthwhile, theres a whole variety of hours that get wasted in my day, i spend around an hour trying to get up in the morning, that time isnt very valuable to me but apparently its worth £6.10, thats a pretty good deal for time spent lying in bed. But when you actually think about it those arent the hours that are being taken away, they are taking the good hours, the ones in the middle of the day (and nice days too, never the rainy ones), days in the summer holidays of my last year at uni, these are rare days that should be dedicated to frollicking before i have to start the horrible world of work. So at best these valuable hours are worth £7.50, thats not a lot, i kind of like to think that if i was kidnapped the kidnappers would be seeking a large amount of money in order not to take my life, like £50 million at least. Well at this rate even if every hour of my life was paid at the peak rate (this is assuming they are these great hours which im wasting at work at the moment) my calculations work out that every hour of my life from 0 to 88 (because i want to live till at least 88, id be annoyed if i died at 87 ... id still have a lot to give) would be worth less that £5 million, and everyone knows they arent all the good hours, i spend a lot of time asleep, and think of all those hours i wasted being a baby, and really the most work a kidnapper could possibly get out of me now is another 66 years (because a quarter of those years have past already) so id be lucky to get £4 million. How depressing is that?? And what about all the really important occasions in my life? my wedding day for example, that day would be worth at most £180 ... doesnt that seem wrong?

25 days until we move into the new house

I think i have finally discovered the greatest thing about living in your own house (or at least sharing a place with your friends instead of living with your parents), its not that you get to sleep in for as long as you want without someone moaning at you, although that is nice and its not that you get to watch whatever you want on TV (and dont get stuck trying to avoid Big Brother every night) although that is very nice too (not so nice that you have to pay the tv licence though ...) and it is definately not that you get to do all your own laundry (although that is way up there, it always seems that my clothes will disappear for a week and will turn up in alices laundry basket if someone else washes them). No it is that you can eat chocolate for lunch, in fact you can eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, dinner and any snacks in between if you so wish. Not that thats stopping me now, im currently eating galaxy minstrels for lunch, but think how great it is when you can proudly say 'hmm theres no bread left, well i think ill have this dairy milk instead' instead of 'poop theres no bread ....' then sneaking off to find the minstrels and frankly having to hide them incase someone else comes downstairs and says '*sniff sniff* who has chocolate??!' This actually happened yesterday and as soon as i left the room (without the chocolate) i heard a choking sound coming from the living room to which i shouted 'Eliot! i hope you're not choking on stolen minstrels' and then laughter followed along with him responding 'the funniest thing is that i am!'

That and just doing really random things like space hopper races around the flat, or starting up the chocolate fountain for no other reason than your flat mate has a cold or not owning a tv because you cant afford one so having marathon games of jenga or fashioning your own table tennis table out of a old door and playing all night. Ah good times ...

Heat and punch ups

Yesterday was hot, maybe not by american standards but for the english ... its was hot, i only had time to look at the thermometer once in the morning because we were rushed off our feet but it said 25 degrees c at like 9am which is like 77 fahrenheit, and im sure it got worse. Today i am told is the hottest day of the year (i guess they mean so far otherwise we've got a miserable summer to look forward to) its 28 degrees c (82 F), im not enjoying it, my mum owns one very small fan which frankly does absolutely nothing. Anyway yesterday, being a hot day, i had to work, because stupid people like to spend hot days labouring out in a field just to get a few raspberrys (why?! just go to tescos) so i was in the shop from 9am till closing (5.15, but we managed to chuck everyone out by half 6, so thats when Mabel offered me a lift home). I really need to get a new job, working there is slowly killing me, dont get me wrong, im totally not afraid of hard work in fact i relish a challenge, the summer i finished school i had three jobs, i woke up at 4am to get to the bakery at 5.30 worked until 9.30 then had to get to the farm by 10 to work until 5.30/6, except on mondays (because by law you cant work more than 6 days in a row) when i did my two paper rounds - big ones ... i delievered thousands of newspapers.

Anyway thats off of the topic, i can stand at a till or run around doing stuff in a shop for 9 hours straight no problem and the people that own the place and the people who work there are absolutely lovely, its just the customers, theyre the combination of all the things i hate about people, lying and stealing, throwing your rubbish all over the place and screaming at people, not teaching your children right from wrong, not diciplining them and then yelling at them and hitting them. I find it really hard to deal with, but sometimes you just have to put up with this stuff, we dont live in a perfect society. However yesterday really bothered me, the farm has a minimum charge thing which is nothing but hassle but its there because people go in and eat all the fruit and then try to leave without paying, people bring their twenty kids with them and do it, id be a bit sympathetic if i thought these were poor people who couldnt afford food but they can, because they try to buy 20 ice creams when they leave and whip out a huge wad of 50's to do so. Anyway this turkish woman was yelling at me for charging her for her and her 7 kids, i dont mean just talking loudly i mean up in my face, pushing me, type thing, well im stubborn, and as i said i hate people lying and stealing and getting away with stuff when the rest of society has to pay the price for it, so i was arguing back, maybe slightly unprofessional but i was in the right, anyway it got very heated and luckily Stephen stepped in because i was very close to punching the woman, like two seconds away.

Unfortunately i didnt get fired, and the woman did give in and pay the money and because my bosses are so nice they were appologising to me for letting me get in that situation.
But thats still not the point, my point is, im a nice person (its okay you dont have to agree), im kind and thoughtful and i care way too much about other people, but even Amy was amazed when she came to visit me at Kstate and only saw that side of me, she was shocked that i didnt get mad at things like i always have, i was the worst 3 year old you could imagine and ive been beating up my brother for a good 17 years (only in the last year has he been strong enough to fight back) what im saying is i have a really bad temper and when im under stress im horribly moody and just a terrible person to be around. Maybe i was moody at times during the past year but if you had known me before you really wouldnt recognise me im sure of it. But now im back living at my mums house its all the same as it ever was, and whereas i kinda used to like working at the farm because it gave me a reason to get mad at people and vent now it horrifies me that i can get that heated and out of control.

Blogs and diaries

I think it was in the last Adrian Mole book (weapons of mass destruction?) that Adrian says that you dont need a diary when you're happy because you just live life, you dont have time to write about it. Well that works for diaries, not so much for blogs, the difference being when you're having a good time you want to let people know about it, hence blogging. 'Cept in blogging you dont want to write when you're not having a good time, because it bums people out, no one wants to read about someone elses depressing life. So really its the opposite of a diary. That was just a really long explanation why i dont want to blog.

Car crash

Last night i was stuck on the M25 travelling home from Kayleigh's house (well ... room) for around two hours, there was a crash at 1am just before the Enfield exit, my car (well obviously i was driving my mum's car) was sitting on the motorway just around the corner from the accident with the engine turned off, with the driver (that'd be me) struggling to stay awake and keep my eyes focused on anything in the car as there was a car full of guys with very full bladders infront who had to keep jumping out of the car to pee over the barriers. I was 5 miles from my mum's house, the sat nav said i could make it in nine minutes 15 seconds, i may write to tomtom and tell them it actually takes a bit longer than that, the fuel light didnt come on until i switched the car back on though which i was very happy about. Im not mentioning this out of anger or anything, dont get me wrong, hopefully my tone didnt sound like that, im just telling you what happened last night, lots of ambulances drove up the hard shoulder and it was a pretty big crash, i was sitting in the car spending time with God, praying for the people in the accident, listening to my ipod, i really like being in the car by myself singing at the top of my lungs, i think its the people in the cars around mine that arent so grateful. I was slightly worried about if there was a message on the answer machine from work asking me to work in the morning though, there wasnt and Richard phoned me today and said they arent opening tomorrow (which is VERY unusual, ive never known it before) so i get to go to church!

Anyway! as i was sitting there thinking about things (i had time to think) i was wondering why i've been miserable the past couple of days, i really dont like being depressed but its one of those vicious cycle things, i dont like it but that makes me more bummed out!! I was pondering whether its a dream thing, like i have bad dreams, so i am unrested in the morning so that makes me feel bummed out OR whether im feeling bummed out so that is reflected into my dreams, its an interesting situation considering i had a good few days last week were i had fantastic dreams and i slept really well and my mood was positive and peppy and i was out doing great stuff but then i got back into the bad dream rut since thursday. So anyway i had a mum moment (it scares me that i have these, i notice that i act like my mum more often than id like) and told myself to stop moping around (a very mum thing to say, i should have checked it actually wasnt her actually) positive attitudes breed positive actions (or is it the other way round?) either way, positiveness!!! ... It could have been me in that crash ... thank God i take so long to figure out the sat nav before i drive, lets start focusing more on the driving from now on.

Sophie and Kayleigh's day of fun

You see the depths of my heart, and you love me the same

Do you ever get those points when you're like, WOW, i know God is good and everything but .... Wow *claps* i didn't know how small my mind was that i couldnt comprehend Him being THIS good! Well if not, that how i am at the moment. Sometimes you just have to realise that things are really hard and you have to ask for help, well things were pretty hard for a while there, which sounds a tad ridicious if you consider all the stuff that happens in the world, how can you say 'going home to live with my family was really hard', boo hoo! Lol but really it was, and still will be, but im feeling good for today at least so im going to rejoice in it.
I think for me to be able to tell this story and still have enough time to straighten my hair and get to the train station im going to have to tell you about my general dialogue with God over the past couple of weeks and how His done miracles.
So last week at around 4.30pm im sitting in Starbucks at Tottenham Court Road (in London) quietly praying, i'm about half hour early for church and feeling really dishearten, i'm surprised i made it to church actually, the prayer is simple, Please God, you know me right?, im way too shy to talk to anybody in there, let one person, just one, come up to me and introduced themself, i know you've got my back so i know you're gonna do this, thank you, amen. Well you have to bare in mind a few things, i went the week before and people were lovely but there wasnt a chance to talk to anybody, there wasnt a turn around and say hi moment, and you couldnt hang around afterwards because they had to get ready for the next service and also more importantly were in England, there are certain rules you abide by in England, you don't talk to random people, they should be introduced to you first, if you're on a train full of people noone will talk to each other, even making eye contact is rude. So what im saying is for me to ask God that might not seem like a biggy to an American but in England i was thinking it was a pretty big task okay? So i go into church, sit down one seat away from a chinese guy (abiding by the one chair rule which says 'never sit next to anyone if you can sit one seat away its rude and will make the person feel uncomfortable') 5 seconds later a woman comes up behind me taps me on the shoulder and introduces herself, no one did that to any of the people sitting around me and there were other people sitting by themselves, sure the lady was on the team there but i didnt ask for a life long buddy i just asked for someone to introduce themself so i wouldnt feel lonely, and God provided, God go! and also go that lady for listening to what He told her to do!
Anyway last week it rained everyday and i had a few things to do like go to the optician and dentist and such, well as you know i now have a huge dentist and opticians bill and another one coming on wednesday, so im laying in bed poking at my new filling with my tongue praying, God why are you giving me so much stuff to pay for when you know i have no money! and im not going to be able to work this week because it hasnt stopped raining!! and i want to be able to tithe at church but i cant!!! give me break!
Well, the next day my boss phones and asks me to work the next two days, which were both beautiful weather and it didnt rain a drop by the way and my mum did a car boot sale and gave me the money they made for my old stuff, so i can pay for my fillings AND tithe next week! (maybe you wont appreciate how big of a deal this is if you havent been to England ... it rains like everyday ....)
Anyway, i have loads more to write but im in a rush so i may have to finish properly later, today im meeting Kayleigh in London, i was really lonely and bored everyday last week and the second i finished talking to God about this and asking why he put me in England if i cant help my friends out because they dont want to know me anymore, Kayleigh texts me and says lets go into London on monday i miss you, i cried, seriously i did and it was embarrassing because i was in the LRC at the time. Well i asked for this so im definately going but as i just told you i can cover my bills and tithe but i have like a fiver apart from that, but its okay because God works miracles and he made Liam give me his Oyster card a few weeks ago with enough money on it for this journey and i looked online to see where the pancake house is and mondays are 'monday madness' .... any pancake is a fiver (these are huge pancakes ... thats a really good deal) and they do a student discount (you probably cant get the two together but you know what i mean) ... This blog doesnt do it justice, i really cant explain how awesome God is, i dont think were supposed to be able to, theres loads more stuff i want to say but im going to leave it there, thanks for reading!

The Update

I realise i haven't blogged in a couple of days now, unless you count putting up that very informative picture i took on the way home from Church (its a sign saying that round the corner is the first ever ATM cash machine - Enfield thought of it first!)

So this is what has been happening in Sophie's world (thats a pun .... theres a book called Sophie's World .... you could say its punny .... no? oh well). I'm poor, things in England are ridiculously expensive and i have absolutely no money, unfortunately i still need to pay for things like dental appointments and contact lenses, and it has been raining pretty much non stop for the past 8 days, seriously. The rain has meant that i havent been able to work at the farm, because when it rains they only need one person to stand around in case a nutcase comes wanting to frolick in the mud and then when they leave clean up the muddy footprints left behind. So with lack of anything better to do i've been cleaning the kitchen (its a big job, it might be a tiny kitchen but its a really big job) it took me two full days and many rubbish bags - there was medicine in the cupboard that was out of date in 1997 .... thats when i started secondary school, and travel sickness tablets that went out of date every year since 1999. It now looks good though and even though my mums complaining about it she did give me £20 to help towards my huge opticians bill whilst she was asking where all her medicine had gone ....

Today i travelled the long and confusing road (i had no idea where i was going, id think i found the right road but it'd turn out to be a cresent and just loop back round to the road i started out on) to the dentists, normally this takes all of 5 seconds, Doctor Loke (a young, funny chinese guy who must make notes of peoples past conversations because he knows exactly what you've been doing in the last year) asks me how i am, we laugh, he asks if im on any medication, i say no, he looks in my mouth says some wierd numbers 'R2D2, c3po' that kinda thing (*shrugs* dentist talk) and says okay ill see you in a year. Well that would have been nice, but i've been in America for a year, eating such blacklisted foods like Lucky Charms and Pop Tarts, so for the first time in my life he said with a shocked expression 'you need two fillings' which REALLY sucks because you have to pay for the nice looking fillings, you have to pay a lot of money that i dont have! So anywho i got the nice ones so now im really really hoping this rain stops and i can get double sunday pay for working all day sunday and somehow go to church once i've finished. Now my mouth is numb and i cant eat any hard, sticky or foods with lots of colouring, which are my favourite types apart from cheese, so meeting up with Susy tonight has been rescheduled for next week and im ever so slightly annoyed.

Apart from that though, i've been feeling a lot happier about things! I got 14 hours sleep on wednesday night, which is pretty unusual for me, Hilary tells me it was a XA prayer thing, Wooo! And although i had strange dreams last night they werent totally bad, it was like there was conflict but it got sorted out, and i did the right thing. Maybe ill write about it on here sometime

Why Enfield is famous

Little Alfie

Alfie singing incy wincy spider

My boring day

I think im bored ... it definately must be the summer if i'm wondering if i should use up energy trying to figure out if im bored or not. The listlessness would suggest i am though. Today i was supposed to be working at the farm for the first time this year, but of course its England .... and Wimbledon is still on, so it rained, so i got the day off, its a good start. I'm also supposed to work tomorrow, but its supposed to rain even more than today, so i asked if i was actually needed, i really want to go to Church, Nan (my boss) apparently knows the Hillsong people in Australia ... that lady knows everyone ... so she was very enthusiastic about me going. Anyway, instead of working like planned i went to see my Aunts 'new' (shes had it for 6 months but hey i've been out of the country) flat and see little Alfie, who was of course totally adorable, he was grinning, showing off his 4 teeth, and zooming across the room on all fours, and that was pretty much my day ... i also went to Tescos with mum but the only shopping decision i made was 'hey can we get eggs?'. I've not been very talkative lately, i think it annoys my mum, but i just dont really have anything to say, its like when you know you should say something more than 'yes' but you just dont know what, when the conversations are like
'where did you go?'
'Uni'
'Oh, why did you go there? do anything fun?'
'just work'
Im not doing it on purpose! i just dont have anything to say, its like, im not particularly hungry lately, actually i dont think ive had breakfast or lunch for a week, stop asking why i'm not taking a big portion, im just not hungry, why would i keep eating if i didnt feel hungry??
Oh and i've been playing on Alice's wii .... oe of my arm muscles has grown but the other one hasnt ... one is in pain and the other one isnt, i cant ever do anything by half, so when the wii keeps beating me at baseball i keep playing till i win, i over shoot most times on wii glof because i hit the ball so hard ... and now im slightly regreting in ... but still playing .... lol you'd think id learn.

Sizzles

I thought it was kinda funny ...

Dreams .....

Hey guys!
Now i know this blog is supposed to be here to keep everyone up to date of what is happening in the old country and not just to write about my random thoughts and such, but well frankly nothing is going on at the moment and if i were to tell you about my day it would be a really boring blog. So im going to tell you about my dream instead (trust me its WAY more interesting than my life right now!) Of course if you're one of those people that think people shouldnt share their dreams because obviously it was so boring that it put that person to sleep in the first place, so why spread the horror to someone else , i would advise you to stop reading now, go have your own dreams.
Anyway, my dream, i only felt like writing about it because it is different from the dream that i've been having consistently for the last few months, where someone close to me dies, and i could have stopped it from happening and im trying to save them, its a horrible dream and i've felt unrested every night for a long time, i know why i have that dream and it is kinda interesting how sometimes it changes slightly, like the person or how they die but its the same basic dream.
ANYWAY, the new dream, i'm looking (almost hanging) out of a bedroom window (one of the ones that open out and you could jump through, on the second floor, not the small little ones at the top) and im watching Eliot and some kid play tennis in the street (why tennis? probably because we were playing tennis on the wii yesterday) and they both have headphones on which is kinda strange, then out of the corner of my eye i see this kids brother (i dunno why i say brother but thats just who he seems to be) sneaking up to this car and stealing something from it, the thing belongs to me (even though its not my car ....) its like a big rolled up piece of paper and its important to me because i start to freak out and shout to Eliot to stop him, but his got his headphones on and cant hear me, then he goes along to the next driveway which is the house im in, to my mums car and takes something from there, and this thing is really precious to me and i tell the guy to give it back but he just scoffs, so some how, as happens in dreamland, i picked him up by his head (*shrugs*) and wrestled the things off of him, anyway his wriggling and promising never to do it again so i let him go, and he runs away and all the time Eliot is still quietly playing tennis with the guys brother.
Well this dream had way more hope than my normal dream has so i woke up in a way better mood, i guess this is why i reckon i had this dream, the things that were being stolen from me are things that before came really naturally and i didnt even think of, like praying before meals, i noticed yesterday that i didnt do it, its one of those hard situations where if you dont actually have a meal then is it your fault? If i forget to have lunch and just have a random cracker at some point in the day and dont pray before i eat it is that really the point or is the point that you should be taking time out of your day to be thankful, which im doing every second of the day anyway. Anyway so i feel like these things are being taken away from me, not by any real person but you know, so anyway im calling to Eliot to get it back for me, but he cant hear me because he doesnt know Jesus, the Devils distracting him, so i guess thats my internal conflict of my families faith, and then the guy comes closer to me and steals the things that are closer and more important, well i guess this is like when i lost my Bible the other day so i couldnt read it (its not like in Hilarys house where you can just read one of the other 70 in her apartment) or probably having to work on a sunday which might mean i cant go to church, or not being able to have worship music on without headphones because people tell me to turn it off. I guess these are the things which are closer to my heart that are changing and its like okay thats enough i need to do something about this, i think the phrase taking the bull by the horns works on so many levels here, so anyway i take action to get them back, but the guys just ran away in the end so i guess it could still return, and Eliot never did stop playing tennis with that other kid ....

Good Ol' Procrastination

I'm supposed to be writing a 2,000 word reflective diary on how i changed while i was away, and what caused this, obviously i'm not because i'm writing this blog post but im supposed to be, hence the lovely post title 'good ol' procrastination'. I really had the best of intentions of doing it today, i promise you i did, i came into uni, i have the piece of paper explaining what i have to do, i got pretty much everything else out of the way, i even have my good assignment-note-taking pen, but no cigar, i haven't the foggiest what to write, now this might be advantageous to you dear reader because my best blog posts tend to come out of procrastination but it doesn't really help me on the paper writing front. The trouble is, i could probably write 10,000 words of how i have changed while i've been away and what caused this but they only want 2,000, and frankly whats the point! Thats like two paragraphs, how can you possibly call that a reflective diary??? It all seems terribly ridiculous to me and that probably doesnt help my motivation. However im still bugging myself to do it because it has to be done by August and i will, if let be, leave it till the last possible second so i dont have to think about it before then (it really comes to something when you infuriate yourself).

Anyway for now lets forget all about that horrible assignment, yesterday night i drove my mums car to uni, i really needed to get out of the house and i haven't driven (apart from the very short time Hilary let me drive her car and then instantly wanted to drive again) for 18 months and apart from the one crazy girl who was going the wrong way down a one-way system and nearly crashed into me it all went smoothly, so i realised that i am a much better driver in England than i am in America, maybe its the driving on the correct side of the road, maybe its driving a car with a clutch or maybe its just understanding what the drivers are thinking, because in America i really had no idea what they were thinking but it definately wasn't about driving.

Anyway when i got back to my mums house later that night, to a very relieved mum who thought i was going to crash, Alice and Eliot were trying to set up Alice's wii, the conversation went something like this

'wheres this bit go?' Alice

'hmmm i dunno try poking it in that bit' Eliot

'why dont you try reading the instructions?' Me

'ha! im a man i dont need instructions' Eliot

Well anyway after an hour or them trying to figure out how to turn the second wii controller on i went to bed, Alice told me in the morning that there was a 'sync' button all along that they found ... probably would have found it quicker by reading the instructions though.

My New New Blog

Hello everyone!!!
First off let me say, to any of my lovely American friends reading this, that i love you all very much, and you mean so much to me that i am writing a blog especially for you lot, like i tried to do for everyone in England when i came to Kansas. However i should probably warn you all that im slightly sporadic with my writing, i normally go off the point quite a bit, make really long sentences and sometimes i forget to blog for quite a while at a time, but be assured, ill post it up on facebook whenever i do blog! And usually if people comment then i tend to remember to write more often (hint hint).
Of course if you aren't American then read away, just you probably are more likely to see me on a day to day basis and dont really need to be caught up on everything thats happening!

I guess i should explain the title of the blog now, it in itself is a little random. Well the names of my other blogs have been something along the lines of '..... is random', - 'Life is Random' and then last year 'Kansan Life is Random', so i was considering having 'Being back is Random' or 'London Life is Random' or something but they dont really sound right and i looked up the definition of random on dictionary.com and it said this
"proceeding, made, or occurring without definite aim, reason, or pattern"
And, well, considering things, to say 'life is random' doesnt make any sense, i don't believe that it is random, 'made without definite aim or reason', i wasn't made without an aim or reason, i was made for a very definite reason, okay sure i have no idea what it is right now but thats not the point, to say my life has no rhyme or reason isn't true, and i guess its this point which sums up what has changed about me this year (ooo i feel inspiration for my paper coming on), when i made the second blog (and before that) in August 2007 i felt like my life was very random, it had no purpose to it and really it matter very little if i were to live or die, but God saw what was happening with me and stepped up the pace, started yelling so hard at me that that was the only voice i could follow, and now i realise that life isn't random in the slightest and that Christ has a big purpose for my life, even if it seems impossible right now im gonna stick it out because this is where im at and i dont wanna be lost again.