Journal Day Five

Today i went to the leisure centre and joined in with the aqua aerobics class, it depleted some of my excess energy and it was pretty fun, i think the other ladies didnt like me being there quite as much because im the youngest person there by quite a long shot and most probably the thinnest but im definately the most uncoordinated. When i go back someone had locked the door so i couldnt get in ... not good because it was raining, the nurse was coming to train me to use the hoist and my hair was still wet from swimming, eventually (after much prayer) Yirang heard the door and opened it, i had time to change before the nurse got here, just for her to show me a couple of pictures of what not to do, give me a certificate and leave ... i felt a little bit cheated considering she was supposed to be the hoist expert i thought she was at least going to show me how the hoist should be used!! Oh well, ill read the manual i guess *shakes head* Its supposed to snow tomorrow, and im a little nervous about Christmas an everything thats going to happen, im really trying to put it all in Gods hands and have faith in Him to provide but its really hard to do sometimes, baby steps, baby steps

Day Four

Today i feel a little low, i felt a little low the other day but i felt better once i had worked out at the gym .... maybe i need to expend some of this 'stress energy', i think ill go swimming tomorrow morning, i want to swim ... eurgh, i need an aim .... i need to book on to this online course and find a church, find some things to get involved with, to take up my time and give me a purpose, im starting to worry about things again which isnt good, i think when im so busy i dont have time to worry about anything so im happier, even though i complain about being so busy, i never realise that until im not busy anymore ....
SO! Lets plan some stuff! Lets get busy again!

Journal Day One

Sophie's Journal Day one

I arrived in Loughborough, Literally i got off of a plane on thursday, took all of my clothes out of my suitcase on friday, washed them all and then put them all back in the suitcase, got the train on saturday morning and arrived here at around 2 in the afternoon, Yirang met me at the train station and helped me find my way to the house, Yirang is lovely, she helped me take my stuff up to my bedroom (Her and Elena are sharing the bedroom on the third floor at the moment because the one next to mine has a mold problem) She showed me the rota, helped me set up my wireless, made me a cup of tea, organised a meeting with the hoist expert for me. Yeah shes pretty cool. When i got to the house Naomi, Flo, Elena and Pao were there, they all seem nice, Flo unfortunately was on her way to the train station, she was flying back to Costa Rica, I am taking over from her, Pao and Naomi were travelling in to London for the night to meet up with some friends, so i spent the evening hanging out with Elena and Yirang, we went to the shop and got some food and Elena seems to have eaten the majority of hers already, i have no idea how she is still so skinny, but i guess it was pretty healthy food, then we watched tv. It was nice, really relaxing, not really what id expected i guess.

When i was lying in bed that night i started to think about how God was looking out for me, let me get something straight here - i was terrified of this whole situation before i got here, hey i was still terrified on the train, but as soon as i met Yirang i felt this sense of calm, and then i was okay, isnt that strange? I pretty much only came here because thats what i felt God was telling me to do, God knows me, He knows that if there is any other option i will probably wimp out and take it instead of doing the hard thing which he is asking me to do, So pretty much things seem to go like this, things are orchestrated so that not doing this thing would be much worse than doing it. Like in second year going in to the final year of uni was the worse thing that could happen to me the thought of it made me feel sick and i really had no peace with it at all, and God used that as a way to make me go to Kansas so that i would finally see Him. When i got back to England i could suddenly cope with being in the final year, i finally had peace with it. Then that year doing the dissertation was the scariest thing ever, the one i had been given i just couldnt see how it was going to work (and it turns out it wouldnt have) i really had no peace on it at all and i was freaking out big time, so i asked to change subject and miraculously it worked out - i got this awesome subject, that i actually did some great stuff with, i got a great result and degree because of it, i got a great project tutor, but the point is, i physically couldnt have not changed, if i had been okay with the subject i had and God had said to me - you need to change it, it will be better if you do - i dont think i would have been able to. Well moving here was like that, i was so depressed before i went to Manhattan for those few weeks, i had no job and no prospects, i really didnt feel that i could do anything, and i wonder if i hadnt been a christian at that time what would have happened. Anyway, when i came back i was pretty nervous and was considering not coming but the thing is what else would i have done? I would have gone back to being the person i was before, no job and no prospects, i physically couldnt stay were i was, so i had to listen and go, i realise it isnt a test of faith when you have no option whether to go or not, but i wonder if its a progression up to that, baby steps, as i dont have the foundations yet, maybe if id grown up with this or always been around people who knew God then i would be able to see that when God asks you to do something He always provides, but i dont know that for certain yet ... so maybe this is an introduction into that?

I was also thinking this - before i left i was thinking i really dont get along with English girls that easily, i get on with some English girls just fine but they are a few special ones, i get along with english guys just fine ... dont ask me why. So the thought of being stuck in a house with 3 other random girls was kinda daunting, but God provides and He knows me, the other 3 girls in the house are all international, Columbia, South Korea and Germany. I feel like God has prepared me to be around international people, my friends throughout uni have been for various places around the globe - Egypt, Hong Kong, the Philipines, India, China, then i go abroad and i am an international student - so i know how it feels to be away from your homeland and i make more friends from various countries - America, Australia, Czech republic, Germany, France, Italy, Mexico, Peru, so God was preparing me for this before i could have even imagined it would happen, which makes me wonder what he is preparing me for in the future that i cant even imagine happening yet? Why am i being introduced to all of these nations now? is there something in that? or is this so that i can sympathise with people from around the world and know that He is doing great things everywhere?
It seems like all of the things i was worrying about He has already sorted out for me, what will i do in my spare time? Elena mentioned going to the gym with her - which ive been wanting to do for ages but have never had anyone to go with, ive wanted to learn more about theology since i got back from the states but never had anytime, it seems like some of the others are doing courses in various things so maybe this is the ideal opportunity, im not a fan of cooking but it seems like neither are the others, i was worried about whether i should go to church today or whether i should wait in and see what everyone else is doing because its just my second day and they might wonder where i went - i prayed and gave it to God and said if its meant to be you will guide me and show me where to go and if im not supposed to go this week then you will make that so, well i dont know where the key for the door is ... so i cant actually get out of the house until i see one, so i guess God answered that question for me. Naomi got a pet snake last week, this wasnt a worry but it made me laugh that it managed to escape already, twice in fact, they found it again once but then it escaped again and is now on the loose in the house somewhere, ive not seen it but i guess it will turn up eventually.

Im not homesick, but i am still a little nervous, but i know this is normal, i just need to get to that point like i did when i moved to America where things were okay again, and then eventually better than they were ever before, i can wait for that.

Weston

When Weston dropped me off at Hilarys apartment last night he waited until id got in before he drove away, i love that he does that, im not sure whether he is checking i am safe (these are the dangerous streets of Manhattan after all!) or whether he doesnt really want to leave, but it makes me feel special. I think that a lot about the things he does, and as im pretty sure no one reads this blog anymore im gonna write down some of these things so that i dont forget when im old and cynical.

I love that he will happily wear holey socks and that he doesnt mind people knowing it, i love that he doesnt mind that i joke about that fact. I love that he rates how well his days go on whether he got to hang out with me and whether he ate cookies, a great day includes both. I love how adorable he looks first thing in the morning when he has just stumbled out of his bedroom, wearing his glasses and his hair is sticking up in various different directions. I love that sometimes when we are deciding something he will say exactly what im thinking. I love that he can spend 40 minutes in Asda choosing a dessert, i love that that fact doesnt bug me, i love that the waitress will come back to our table three times before we are ready to order but from then on he could tell you most of the menu before we even set out to the restaurant, i love that he cares so much about the decisions he makes that he will take that time and not rush in to things, it reassures me that anything he does involving me will have been carefully thought through that he is definitely sure about, that he wont turn around later and say he acted rashly and regrets his decision. I love that he is so crazy smart but that he doesnt even think so tell anyone. I love that i feel so safe when his driving, i love that he doesnt do stupid things to show off and i love that he says "i probably shouldnt turn around will you describe it to me" when i look out of the back window of the truck and point out the most amazing sunset. I love that he takes detours to show me houses with awesome Christmas lights. I love that when we bump into somebody he knows they already know who i am even though ive never met them before, i love that he beams whenever i hold his hand and i love that i believe him when he says 'its going to be okay' when im ridiculously nervous about something. I love that he is the only person i have met that i can spend every minute of the day with and not feel like i have to get away and be on my own for a while because they are driving me insane, i love that after spending five days hanging out together i felt a pang of missing him when we had been apart 10 hours (8 of which were spent sleeping), i love that i dont care how pathetic that sounds. I love that he listens so carefully to what i say, even though most of the time its irrelevant waffle, i love that he didnt complain for a second when i asked him to help me move all of my stuff in a shopping cart while he was on his vacation and that we actually sat down and laughed at how funny it was once we had finished. I love that he ate the cottage pie i made him that looked like disgusting mush and i love that he said it tasted delicious. I love that i dont feel silly jumping in puddles or leaves or rolling in the snow when he is around because his doing exactly the same thing and that we are both grinning like loons at the people walking by. I love that he loves bacon, maple syrup and cheesecake as much as i do, i love that there is this beaming light thing that surrounds him that makes people want to love him, i think its a knowing Jesus beam. I love that the list of things i love about Weston is so long i cant fit it all into this post.