Yesterday was hot, maybe not by american standards but for the english ... its was hot, i only had time to look at the thermometer once in the morning because we were rushed off our feet but it said 25 degrees c at like 9am which is like 77 fahrenheit, and im sure it got worse. Today i am told is the hottest day of the year (i guess they mean so far otherwise we've got a miserable summer to look forward to) its 28 degrees c (82 F), im not enjoying it, my mum owns one very small fan which frankly does absolutely nothing. Anyway yesterday, being a hot day, i had to work, because stupid people like to spend hot days labouring out in a field just to get a few raspberrys (why?! just go to tescos) so i was in the shop from 9am till closing (5.15, but we managed to chuck everyone out by half 6, so thats when Mabel offered me a lift home). I really need to get a new job, working there is slowly killing me, dont get me wrong, im totally not afraid of hard work in fact i relish a challenge, the summer i finished school i had three jobs, i woke up at 4am to get to the bakery at 5.30 worked until 9.30 then had to get to the farm by 10 to work until 5.30/6, except on mondays (because by law you cant work more than 6 days in a row) when i did my two paper rounds - big ones ... i delievered thousands of newspapers.
Anyway thats off of the topic, i can stand at a till or run around doing stuff in a shop for 9 hours straight no problem and the people that own the place and the people who work there are absolutely lovely, its just the customers, theyre the combination of all the things i hate about people, lying and stealing, throwing your rubbish all over the place and screaming at people, not teaching your children right from wrong, not diciplining them and then yelling at them and hitting them. I find it really hard to deal with, but sometimes you just have to put up with this stuff, we dont live in a perfect society. However yesterday really bothered me, the farm has a minimum charge thing which is nothing but hassle but its there because people go in and eat all the fruit and then try to leave without paying, people bring their twenty kids with them and do it, id be a bit sympathetic if i thought these were poor people who couldnt afford food but they can, because they try to buy 20 ice creams when they leave and whip out a huge wad of 50's to do so. Anyway this turkish woman was yelling at me for charging her for her and her 7 kids, i dont mean just talking loudly i mean up in my face, pushing me, type thing, well im stubborn, and as i said i hate people lying and stealing and getting away with stuff when the rest of society has to pay the price for it, so i was arguing back, maybe slightly unprofessional but i was in the right, anyway it got very heated and luckily Stephen stepped in because i was very close to punching the woman, like two seconds away.
Unfortunately i didnt get fired, and the woman did give in and pay the money and because my bosses are so nice they were appologising to me for letting me get in that situation.
But thats still not the point, my point is, im a nice person (its okay you dont have to agree), im kind and thoughtful and i care way too much about other people, but even Amy was amazed when she came to visit me at Kstate and only saw that side of me, she was shocked that i didnt get mad at things like i always have, i was the worst 3 year old you could imagine and ive been beating up my brother for a good 17 years (only in the last year has he been strong enough to fight back) what im saying is i have a really bad temper and when im under stress im horribly moody and just a terrible person to be around. Maybe i was moody at times during the past year but if you had known me before you really wouldnt recognise me im sure of it. But now im back living at my mums house its all the same as it ever was, and whereas i kinda used to like working at the farm because it gave me a reason to get mad at people and vent now it horrifies me that i can get that heated and out of control.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Blogs and diaries
I think it was in the last Adrian Mole book (weapons of mass destruction?) that Adrian says that you dont need a diary when you're happy because you just live life, you dont have time to write about it. Well that works for diaries, not so much for blogs, the difference being when you're having a good time you want to let people know about it, hence blogging. 'Cept in blogging you dont want to write when you're not having a good time, because it bums people out, no one wants to read about someone elses depressing life. So really its the opposite of a diary. That was just a really long explanation why i dont want to blog.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Car crash
Last night i was stuck on the M25 travelling home from Kayleigh's house (well ... room) for around two hours, there was a crash at 1am just before the Enfield exit, my car (well obviously i was driving my mum's car) was sitting on the motorway just around the corner from the accident with the engine turned off, with the driver (that'd be me) struggling to stay awake and keep my eyes focused on anything in the car as there was a car full of guys with very full bladders infront who had to keep jumping out of the car to pee over the barriers. I was 5 miles from my mum's house, the sat nav said i could make it in nine minutes 15 seconds, i may write to tomtom and tell them it actually takes a bit longer than that, the fuel light didnt come on until i switched the car back on though which i was very happy about. Im not mentioning this out of anger or anything, dont get me wrong, hopefully my tone didnt sound like that, im just telling you what happened last night, lots of ambulances drove up the hard shoulder and it was a pretty big crash, i was sitting in the car spending time with God, praying for the people in the accident, listening to my ipod, i really like being in the car by myself singing at the top of my lungs, i think its the people in the cars around mine that arent so grateful. I was slightly worried about if there was a message on the answer machine from work asking me to work in the morning though, there wasnt and Richard phoned me today and said they arent opening tomorrow (which is VERY unusual, ive never known it before) so i get to go to church!
Anyway! as i was sitting there thinking about things (i had time to think) i was wondering why i've been miserable the past couple of days, i really dont like being depressed but its one of those vicious cycle things, i dont like it but that makes me more bummed out!! I was pondering whether its a dream thing, like i have bad dreams, so i am unrested in the morning so that makes me feel bummed out OR whether im feeling bummed out so that is reflected into my dreams, its an interesting situation considering i had a good few days last week were i had fantastic dreams and i slept really well and my mood was positive and peppy and i was out doing great stuff but then i got back into the bad dream rut since thursday. So anyway i had a mum moment (it scares me that i have these, i notice that i act like my mum more often than id like) and told myself to stop moping around (a very mum thing to say, i should have checked it actually wasnt her actually) positive attitudes breed positive actions (or is it the other way round?) either way, positiveness!!! ... It could have been me in that crash ... thank God i take so long to figure out the sat nav before i drive, lets start focusing more on the driving from now on.
Anyway! as i was sitting there thinking about things (i had time to think) i was wondering why i've been miserable the past couple of days, i really dont like being depressed but its one of those vicious cycle things, i dont like it but that makes me more bummed out!! I was pondering whether its a dream thing, like i have bad dreams, so i am unrested in the morning so that makes me feel bummed out OR whether im feeling bummed out so that is reflected into my dreams, its an interesting situation considering i had a good few days last week were i had fantastic dreams and i slept really well and my mood was positive and peppy and i was out doing great stuff but then i got back into the bad dream rut since thursday. So anyway i had a mum moment (it scares me that i have these, i notice that i act like my mum more often than id like) and told myself to stop moping around (a very mum thing to say, i should have checked it actually wasnt her actually) positive attitudes breed positive actions (or is it the other way round?) either way, positiveness!!! ... It could have been me in that crash ... thank God i take so long to figure out the sat nav before i drive, lets start focusing more on the driving from now on.
Monday, July 14, 2008
You see the depths of my heart, and you love me the same
Do you ever get those points when you're like, WOW, i know God is good and everything but .... Wow *claps* i didn't know how small my mind was that i couldnt comprehend Him being THIS good! Well if not, that how i am at the moment. Sometimes you just have to realise that things are really hard and you have to ask for help, well things were pretty hard for a while there, which sounds a tad ridicious if you consider all the stuff that happens in the world, how can you say 'going home to live with my family was really hard', boo hoo! Lol but really it was, and still will be, but im feeling good for today at least so im going to rejoice in it.
I think for me to be able to tell this story and still have enough time to straighten my hair and get to the train station im going to have to tell you about my general dialogue with God over the past couple of weeks and how His done miracles.
So last week at around 4.30pm im sitting in Starbucks at Tottenham Court Road (in London) quietly praying, i'm about half hour early for church and feeling really dishearten, i'm surprised i made it to church actually, the prayer is simple, Please God, you know me right?, im way too shy to talk to anybody in there, let one person, just one, come up to me and introduced themself, i know you've got my back so i know you're gonna do this, thank you, amen. Well you have to bare in mind a few things, i went the week before and people were lovely but there wasnt a chance to talk to anybody, there wasnt a turn around and say hi moment, and you couldnt hang around afterwards because they had to get ready for the next service and also more importantly were in England, there are certain rules you abide by in England, you don't talk to random people, they should be introduced to you first, if you're on a train full of people noone will talk to each other, even making eye contact is rude. So what im saying is for me to ask God that might not seem like a biggy to an American but in England i was thinking it was a pretty big task okay? So i go into church, sit down one seat away from a chinese guy (abiding by the one chair rule which says 'never sit next to anyone if you can sit one seat away its rude and will make the person feel uncomfortable') 5 seconds later a woman comes up behind me taps me on the shoulder and introduces herself, no one did that to any of the people sitting around me and there were other people sitting by themselves, sure the lady was on the team there but i didnt ask for a life long buddy i just asked for someone to introduce themself so i wouldnt feel lonely, and God provided, God go! and also go that lady for listening to what He told her to do!
Anyway last week it rained everyday and i had a few things to do like go to the optician and dentist and such, well as you know i now have a huge dentist and opticians bill and another one coming on wednesday, so im laying in bed poking at my new filling with my tongue praying, God why are you giving me so much stuff to pay for when you know i have no money! and im not going to be able to work this week because it hasnt stopped raining!! and i want to be able to tithe at church but i cant!!! give me break!
Well, the next day my boss phones and asks me to work the next two days, which were both beautiful weather and it didnt rain a drop by the way and my mum did a car boot sale and gave me the money they made for my old stuff, so i can pay for my fillings AND tithe next week! (maybe you wont appreciate how big of a deal this is if you havent been to England ... it rains like everyday ....)
Anyway, i have loads more to write but im in a rush so i may have to finish properly later, today im meeting Kayleigh in London, i was really lonely and bored everyday last week and the second i finished talking to God about this and asking why he put me in England if i cant help my friends out because they dont want to know me anymore, Kayleigh texts me and says lets go into London on monday i miss you, i cried, seriously i did and it was embarrassing because i was in the LRC at the time. Well i asked for this so im definately going but as i just told you i can cover my bills and tithe but i have like a fiver apart from that, but its okay because God works miracles and he made Liam give me his Oyster card a few weeks ago with enough money on it for this journey and i looked online to see where the pancake house is and mondays are 'monday madness' .... any pancake is a fiver (these are huge pancakes ... thats a really good deal) and they do a student discount (you probably cant get the two together but you know what i mean) ... This blog doesnt do it justice, i really cant explain how awesome God is, i dont think were supposed to be able to, theres loads more stuff i want to say but im going to leave it there, thanks for reading!
I think for me to be able to tell this story and still have enough time to straighten my hair and get to the train station im going to have to tell you about my general dialogue with God over the past couple of weeks and how His done miracles.
So last week at around 4.30pm im sitting in Starbucks at Tottenham Court Road (in London) quietly praying, i'm about half hour early for church and feeling really dishearten, i'm surprised i made it to church actually, the prayer is simple, Please God, you know me right?, im way too shy to talk to anybody in there, let one person, just one, come up to me and introduced themself, i know you've got my back so i know you're gonna do this, thank you, amen. Well you have to bare in mind a few things, i went the week before and people were lovely but there wasnt a chance to talk to anybody, there wasnt a turn around and say hi moment, and you couldnt hang around afterwards because they had to get ready for the next service and also more importantly were in England, there are certain rules you abide by in England, you don't talk to random people, they should be introduced to you first, if you're on a train full of people noone will talk to each other, even making eye contact is rude. So what im saying is for me to ask God that might not seem like a biggy to an American but in England i was thinking it was a pretty big task okay? So i go into church, sit down one seat away from a chinese guy (abiding by the one chair rule which says 'never sit next to anyone if you can sit one seat away its rude and will make the person feel uncomfortable') 5 seconds later a woman comes up behind me taps me on the shoulder and introduces herself, no one did that to any of the people sitting around me and there were other people sitting by themselves, sure the lady was on the team there but i didnt ask for a life long buddy i just asked for someone to introduce themself so i wouldnt feel lonely, and God provided, God go! and also go that lady for listening to what He told her to do!
Anyway last week it rained everyday and i had a few things to do like go to the optician and dentist and such, well as you know i now have a huge dentist and opticians bill and another one coming on wednesday, so im laying in bed poking at my new filling with my tongue praying, God why are you giving me so much stuff to pay for when you know i have no money! and im not going to be able to work this week because it hasnt stopped raining!! and i want to be able to tithe at church but i cant!!! give me break!
Well, the next day my boss phones and asks me to work the next two days, which were both beautiful weather and it didnt rain a drop by the way and my mum did a car boot sale and gave me the money they made for my old stuff, so i can pay for my fillings AND tithe next week! (maybe you wont appreciate how big of a deal this is if you havent been to England ... it rains like everyday ....)
Anyway, i have loads more to write but im in a rush so i may have to finish properly later, today im meeting Kayleigh in London, i was really lonely and bored everyday last week and the second i finished talking to God about this and asking why he put me in England if i cant help my friends out because they dont want to know me anymore, Kayleigh texts me and says lets go into London on monday i miss you, i cried, seriously i did and it was embarrassing because i was in the LRC at the time. Well i asked for this so im definately going but as i just told you i can cover my bills and tithe but i have like a fiver apart from that, but its okay because God works miracles and he made Liam give me his Oyster card a few weeks ago with enough money on it for this journey and i looked online to see where the pancake house is and mondays are 'monday madness' .... any pancake is a fiver (these are huge pancakes ... thats a really good deal) and they do a student discount (you probably cant get the two together but you know what i mean) ... This blog doesnt do it justice, i really cant explain how awesome God is, i dont think were supposed to be able to, theres loads more stuff i want to say but im going to leave it there, thanks for reading!
Friday, July 11, 2008
The Update
I realise i haven't blogged in a couple of days now, unless you count putting up that very informative picture i took on the way home from Church (its a sign saying that round the corner is the first ever ATM cash machine - Enfield thought of it first!)
So this is what has been happening in Sophie's world (thats a pun .... theres a book called Sophie's World .... you could say its punny .... no? oh well). I'm poor, things in England are ridiculously expensive and i have absolutely no money, unfortunately i still need to pay for things like dental appointments and contact lenses, and it has been raining pretty much non stop for the past 8 days, seriously. The rain has meant that i havent been able to work at the farm, because when it rains they only need one person to stand around in case a nutcase comes wanting to frolick in the mud and then when they leave clean up the muddy footprints left behind. So with lack of anything better to do i've been cleaning the kitchen (its a big job, it might be a tiny kitchen but its a really big job) it took me two full days and many rubbish bags - there was medicine in the cupboard that was out of date in 1997 .... thats when i started secondary school, and travel sickness tablets that went out of date every year since 1999. It now looks good though and even though my mums complaining about it she did give me £20 to help towards my huge opticians bill whilst she was asking where all her medicine had gone ....
Today i travelled the long and confusing road (i had no idea where i was going, id think i found the right road but it'd turn out to be a cresent and just loop back round to the road i started out on) to the dentists, normally this takes all of 5 seconds, Doctor Loke (a young, funny chinese guy who must make notes of peoples past conversations because he knows exactly what you've been doing in the last year) asks me how i am, we laugh, he asks if im on any medication, i say no, he looks in my mouth says some wierd numbers 'R2D2, c3po' that kinda thing (*shrugs* dentist talk) and says okay ill see you in a year. Well that would have been nice, but i've been in America for a year, eating such blacklisted foods like Lucky Charms and Pop Tarts, so for the first time in my life he said with a shocked expression 'you need two fillings' which REALLY sucks because you have to pay for the nice looking fillings, you have to pay a lot of money that i dont have! So anywho i got the nice ones so now im really really hoping this rain stops and i can get double sunday pay for working all day sunday and somehow go to church once i've finished. Now my mouth is numb and i cant eat any hard, sticky or foods with lots of colouring, which are my favourite types apart from cheese, so meeting up with Susy tonight has been rescheduled for next week and im ever so slightly annoyed.
Apart from that though, i've been feeling a lot happier about things! I got 14 hours sleep on wednesday night, which is pretty unusual for me, Hilary tells me it was a XA prayer thing, Wooo! And although i had strange dreams last night they werent totally bad, it was like there was conflict but it got sorted out, and i did the right thing. Maybe ill write about it on here sometime
So this is what has been happening in Sophie's world (thats a pun .... theres a book called Sophie's World .... you could say its punny .... no? oh well). I'm poor, things in England are ridiculously expensive and i have absolutely no money, unfortunately i still need to pay for things like dental appointments and contact lenses, and it has been raining pretty much non stop for the past 8 days, seriously. The rain has meant that i havent been able to work at the farm, because when it rains they only need one person to stand around in case a nutcase comes wanting to frolick in the mud and then when they leave clean up the muddy footprints left behind. So with lack of anything better to do i've been cleaning the kitchen (its a big job, it might be a tiny kitchen but its a really big job) it took me two full days and many rubbish bags - there was medicine in the cupboard that was out of date in 1997 .... thats when i started secondary school, and travel sickness tablets that went out of date every year since 1999. It now looks good though and even though my mums complaining about it she did give me £20 to help towards my huge opticians bill whilst she was asking where all her medicine had gone ....
Today i travelled the long and confusing road (i had no idea where i was going, id think i found the right road but it'd turn out to be a cresent and just loop back round to the road i started out on) to the dentists, normally this takes all of 5 seconds, Doctor Loke (a young, funny chinese guy who must make notes of peoples past conversations because he knows exactly what you've been doing in the last year) asks me how i am, we laugh, he asks if im on any medication, i say no, he looks in my mouth says some wierd numbers 'R2D2, c3po' that kinda thing (*shrugs* dentist talk) and says okay ill see you in a year. Well that would have been nice, but i've been in America for a year, eating such blacklisted foods like Lucky Charms and Pop Tarts, so for the first time in my life he said with a shocked expression 'you need two fillings' which REALLY sucks because you have to pay for the nice looking fillings, you have to pay a lot of money that i dont have! So anywho i got the nice ones so now im really really hoping this rain stops and i can get double sunday pay for working all day sunday and somehow go to church once i've finished. Now my mouth is numb and i cant eat any hard, sticky or foods with lots of colouring, which are my favourite types apart from cheese, so meeting up with Susy tonight has been rescheduled for next week and im ever so slightly annoyed.
Apart from that though, i've been feeling a lot happier about things! I got 14 hours sleep on wednesday night, which is pretty unusual for me, Hilary tells me it was a XA prayer thing, Wooo! And although i had strange dreams last night they werent totally bad, it was like there was conflict but it got sorted out, and i did the right thing. Maybe ill write about it on here sometime
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
My boring day
I think im bored ... it definately must be the summer if i'm wondering if i should use up energy trying to figure out if im bored or not. The listlessness would suggest i am though. Today i was supposed to be working at the farm for the first time this year, but of course its England .... and Wimbledon is still on, so it rained, so i got the day off, its a good start. I'm also supposed to work tomorrow, but its supposed to rain even more than today, so i asked if i was actually needed, i really want to go to Church, Nan (my boss) apparently knows the Hillsong people in Australia ... that lady knows everyone ... so she was very enthusiastic about me going. Anyway, instead of working like planned i went to see my Aunts 'new' (shes had it for 6 months but hey i've been out of the country) flat and see little Alfie, who was of course totally adorable, he was grinning, showing off his 4 teeth, and zooming across the room on all fours, and that was pretty much my day ... i also went to Tescos with mum but the only shopping decision i made was 'hey can we get eggs?'. I've not been very talkative lately, i think it annoys my mum, but i just dont really have anything to say, its like when you know you should say something more than 'yes' but you just dont know what, when the conversations are like
'where did you go?'
'Uni'
'Oh, why did you go there? do anything fun?'
'just work'
Im not doing it on purpose! i just dont have anything to say, its like, im not particularly hungry lately, actually i dont think ive had breakfast or lunch for a week, stop asking why i'm not taking a big portion, im just not hungry, why would i keep eating if i didnt feel hungry??
Oh and i've been playing on Alice's wii .... oe of my arm muscles has grown but the other one hasnt ... one is in pain and the other one isnt, i cant ever do anything by half, so when the wii keeps beating me at baseball i keep playing till i win, i over shoot most times on wii glof because i hit the ball so hard ... and now im slightly regreting in ... but still playing .... lol you'd think id learn.
'where did you go?'
'Uni'
'Oh, why did you go there? do anything fun?'
'just work'
Im not doing it on purpose! i just dont have anything to say, its like, im not particularly hungry lately, actually i dont think ive had breakfast or lunch for a week, stop asking why i'm not taking a big portion, im just not hungry, why would i keep eating if i didnt feel hungry??
Oh and i've been playing on Alice's wii .... oe of my arm muscles has grown but the other one hasnt ... one is in pain and the other one isnt, i cant ever do anything by half, so when the wii keeps beating me at baseball i keep playing till i win, i over shoot most times on wii glof because i hit the ball so hard ... and now im slightly regreting in ... but still playing .... lol you'd think id learn.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Dreams .....
Hey guys!
Now i know this blog is supposed to be here to keep everyone up to date of what is happening in the old country and not just to write about my random thoughts and such, but well frankly nothing is going on at the moment and if i were to tell you about my day it would be a really boring blog. So im going to tell you about my dream instead (trust me its WAY more interesting than my life right now!) Of course if you're one of those people that think people shouldnt share their dreams because obviously it was so boring that it put that person to sleep in the first place, so why spread the horror to someone else , i would advise you to stop reading now, go have your own dreams.
Anyway, my dream, i only felt like writing about it because it is different from the dream that i've been having consistently for the last few months, where someone close to me dies, and i could have stopped it from happening and im trying to save them, its a horrible dream and i've felt unrested every night for a long time, i know why i have that dream and it is kinda interesting how sometimes it changes slightly, like the person or how they die but its the same basic dream.
ANYWAY, the new dream, i'm looking (almost hanging) out of a bedroom window (one of the ones that open out and you could jump through, on the second floor, not the small little ones at the top) and im watching Eliot and some kid play tennis in the street (why tennis? probably because we were playing tennis on the wii yesterday) and they both have headphones on which is kinda strange, then out of the corner of my eye i see this kids brother (i dunno why i say brother but thats just who he seems to be) sneaking up to this car and stealing something from it, the thing belongs to me (even though its not my car ....) its like a big rolled up piece of paper and its important to me because i start to freak out and shout to Eliot to stop him, but his got his headphones on and cant hear me, then he goes along to the next driveway which is the house im in, to my mums car and takes something from there, and this thing is really precious to me and i tell the guy to give it back but he just scoffs, so some how, as happens in dreamland, i picked him up by his head (*shrugs*) and wrestled the things off of him, anyway his wriggling and promising never to do it again so i let him go, and he runs away and all the time Eliot is still quietly playing tennis with the guys brother.
Well this dream had way more hope than my normal dream has so i woke up in a way better mood, i guess this is why i reckon i had this dream, the things that were being stolen from me are things that before came really naturally and i didnt even think of, like praying before meals, i noticed yesterday that i didnt do it, its one of those hard situations where if you dont actually have a meal then is it your fault? If i forget to have lunch and just have a random cracker at some point in the day and dont pray before i eat it is that really the point or is the point that you should be taking time out of your day to be thankful, which im doing every second of the day anyway. Anyway so i feel like these things are being taken away from me, not by any real person but you know, so anyway im calling to Eliot to get it back for me, but he cant hear me because he doesnt know Jesus, the Devils distracting him, so i guess thats my internal conflict of my families faith, and then the guy comes closer to me and steals the things that are closer and more important, well i guess this is like when i lost my Bible the other day so i couldnt read it (its not like in Hilarys house where you can just read one of the other 70 in her apartment) or probably having to work on a sunday which might mean i cant go to church, or not being able to have worship music on without headphones because people tell me to turn it off. I guess these are the things which are closer to my heart that are changing and its like okay thats enough i need to do something about this, i think the phrase taking the bull by the horns works on so many levels here, so anyway i take action to get them back, but the guys just ran away in the end so i guess it could still return, and Eliot never did stop playing tennis with that other kid ....
Now i know this blog is supposed to be here to keep everyone up to date of what is happening in the old country and not just to write about my random thoughts and such, but well frankly nothing is going on at the moment and if i were to tell you about my day it would be a really boring blog. So im going to tell you about my dream instead (trust me its WAY more interesting than my life right now!) Of course if you're one of those people that think people shouldnt share their dreams because obviously it was so boring that it put that person to sleep in the first place, so why spread the horror to someone else , i would advise you to stop reading now, go have your own dreams.
Anyway, my dream, i only felt like writing about it because it is different from the dream that i've been having consistently for the last few months, where someone close to me dies, and i could have stopped it from happening and im trying to save them, its a horrible dream and i've felt unrested every night for a long time, i know why i have that dream and it is kinda interesting how sometimes it changes slightly, like the person or how they die but its the same basic dream.
ANYWAY, the new dream, i'm looking (almost hanging) out of a bedroom window (one of the ones that open out and you could jump through, on the second floor, not the small little ones at the top) and im watching Eliot and some kid play tennis in the street (why tennis? probably because we were playing tennis on the wii yesterday) and they both have headphones on which is kinda strange, then out of the corner of my eye i see this kids brother (i dunno why i say brother but thats just who he seems to be) sneaking up to this car and stealing something from it, the thing belongs to me (even though its not my car ....) its like a big rolled up piece of paper and its important to me because i start to freak out and shout to Eliot to stop him, but his got his headphones on and cant hear me, then he goes along to the next driveway which is the house im in, to my mums car and takes something from there, and this thing is really precious to me and i tell the guy to give it back but he just scoffs, so some how, as happens in dreamland, i picked him up by his head (*shrugs*) and wrestled the things off of him, anyway his wriggling and promising never to do it again so i let him go, and he runs away and all the time Eliot is still quietly playing tennis with the guys brother.
Well this dream had way more hope than my normal dream has so i woke up in a way better mood, i guess this is why i reckon i had this dream, the things that were being stolen from me are things that before came really naturally and i didnt even think of, like praying before meals, i noticed yesterday that i didnt do it, its one of those hard situations where if you dont actually have a meal then is it your fault? If i forget to have lunch and just have a random cracker at some point in the day and dont pray before i eat it is that really the point or is the point that you should be taking time out of your day to be thankful, which im doing every second of the day anyway. Anyway so i feel like these things are being taken away from me, not by any real person but you know, so anyway im calling to Eliot to get it back for me, but he cant hear me because he doesnt know Jesus, the Devils distracting him, so i guess thats my internal conflict of my families faith, and then the guy comes closer to me and steals the things that are closer and more important, well i guess this is like when i lost my Bible the other day so i couldnt read it (its not like in Hilarys house where you can just read one of the other 70 in her apartment) or probably having to work on a sunday which might mean i cant go to church, or not being able to have worship music on without headphones because people tell me to turn it off. I guess these are the things which are closer to my heart that are changing and its like okay thats enough i need to do something about this, i think the phrase taking the bull by the horns works on so many levels here, so anyway i take action to get them back, but the guys just ran away in the end so i guess it could still return, and Eliot never did stop playing tennis with that other kid ....
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Good Ol' Procrastination
I'm supposed to be writing a 2,000 word reflective diary on how i changed while i was away, and what caused this, obviously i'm not because i'm writing this blog post but im supposed to be, hence the lovely post title 'good ol' procrastination'. I really had the best of intentions of doing it today, i promise you i did, i came into uni, i have the piece of paper explaining what i have to do, i got pretty much everything else out of the way, i even have my good assignment-note-taking pen, but no cigar, i haven't the foggiest what to write, now this might be advantageous to you dear reader because my best blog posts tend to come out of procrastination but it doesn't really help me on the paper writing front. The trouble is, i could probably write 10,000 words of how i have changed while i've been away and what caused this but they only want 2,000, and frankly whats the point! Thats like two paragraphs, how can you possibly call that a reflective diary??? It all seems terribly ridiculous to me and that probably doesnt help my motivation. However im still bugging myself to do it because it has to be done by August and i will, if let be, leave it till the last possible second so i dont have to think about it before then (it really comes to something when you infuriate yourself).
Anyway for now lets forget all about that horrible assignment, yesterday night i drove my mums car to uni, i really needed to get out of the house and i haven't driven (apart from the very short time Hilary let me drive her car and then instantly wanted to drive again) for 18 months and apart from the one crazy girl who was going the wrong way down a one-way system and nearly crashed into me it all went smoothly, so i realised that i am a much better driver in England than i am in America, maybe its the driving on the correct side of the road, maybe its driving a car with a clutch or maybe its just understanding what the drivers are thinking, because in America i really had no idea what they were thinking but it definately wasn't about driving.
Anyway when i got back to my mums house later that night, to a very relieved mum who thought i was going to crash, Alice and Eliot were trying to set up Alice's wii, the conversation went something like this
'wheres this bit go?' Alice
'hmmm i dunno try poking it in that bit' Eliot
'why dont you try reading the instructions?' Me
'ha! im a man i dont need instructions' Eliot
Well anyway after an hour or them trying to figure out how to turn the second wii controller on i went to bed, Alice told me in the morning that there was a 'sync' button all along that they found ... probably would have found it quicker by reading the instructions though.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)