Thank the earth AND the heavens

Last week i was feeling really down, to be fair it had been a really crummy week, i dont really want to go into all the reasons because i dont want to feel depressed again but trust me the feeling-down-ness was justified. Today starts a new week though, and this week will be better than the last, it would be hard for it to be worse! As i was clearing out stuff (there is just tons of 'stuff' in my life at the moment ... most of it has no purpose and i wonder if clutter is half the problem) yesterday - email stuff - and deleting all the old junk i have that i dont really see why i didnt delete at the time ... what was i holding on to this old rubbish for? (perhaps this is a reflection of life? how i am holding on to old vices which serve no purpose and need to be cleared out? if i had done it straight away when i got them it would take much less effort now!) Anyway whilst i was sifting though the junk i found some brilliant pieces of memory that cheered me up, things people had said to me in the past that were still relevant now - words of encouragement, thanks and love. I guess i had just forgotten they had been said, perhaps i was crying out for someone to say these things to me now but everyone was thinking ... ive told you that before surely she remembers??? Perhaps they werent so relevant at the time but they were given then to serve a future purpose? Who knows, the point is that the things you do today will keep affecting people, not just now but further in the future too, good and bad, we tend to think that its only the bad things that we do that will continue to work in the future but its the good too, and its not just because they will re-read it in an email in a few years time when they are having a massive cull, the praise you give someone today will encourage them to do that action again in future, you are helping to build upon their life. As humans we need to be praised, we need to be encouraged and most of all we need to feel that we belong and have a purpose. I think most of the time we assume that people 'get' that we appreciate them without us needing to say it, maybe its embarrassing to do but they dont, they need those words. Im not only talking about children here - sure children need encouragement and praise to mould them into moral adults but that need doesnt stop when they hit eighteen.

People had been praising God since the world was created and He turned out pretty well!

My point is treat people like the kin of Jesus that they are - thank and praise them too

Life is scary

I am constantly scared, not of anything in particular, more just of life. Normal things that 'normal' people are scared of, spiders, snakes, the dark, the thought of rats nibbling at your feet whilst you are hand cuffed to a wall unable to get away, im not scared of (okay maybe im a little scared of that last one) but life in general terrifies me. I'm a wuss and i admit it, *stands up* my name is Sophie and i am a wuss (the first step is admitting it, right?). I sometimes wonder if this 'wussyness' (for want of a better word) holds me back from doing the things God has planned for my life, if He told me to go a ghetto somewhere and stand up and tell people about Jesus would I do it? (actually that thought doesnt scare me so much, now the thought of going and talking to people of my own age or older with a similar or higher level of educational background in a respected institution, THAT scares me, although i know it shouldnt). Would i pretend i hadnt heard? Would i hide? (probably and probably) Would God ask me to do something that i was scared of doing? (maybe) Would God ask me to do something that He hadnt prepared me to handle? no, so why am i scared? If i know God will prepare me for anything He asks me to do, and i know He wouldn't ask me to do anything i couldnt do and i know God is in it and God created and looks after the whole of the universe .... why am i scared?

I think the reason is this - maybe its not God asking me to do it, maybe i'm wrong, how do i know? God doesnt get things wrong, but i do, i do a lot, i constantly let people down and dont live up to expectations, my report card on life could be 'tries but could do better'. Thats all i can do though ... try ... and ... ask for help,

Is is possible to ask for help too often from God?

Running through my mind

They have been away for a while but the strange dreams are back, this was last nights

You (the dreamer) are running along a road, running at a pretty decent speed, you're feeling good about things because you are making good time, there is just the 'thud thud thud' of your feet on the tarmac, no cars or distractions around. After a while you get to a y shaped intersection, the road has finished and you need to choose one of these directions to take, you pause for a moment but realise its quite obvious which direction you should take, one road is very dark and the other is brightly lit so you keep on running (like the song), the next fork in the road you get to you meerly slow down to a jog, you have learnt from before and are following the light. You keep running following the light each time and not even needing to stop to think, you know what you are doing and you feel quite pleased with yourself, things seem quite straightforward. The road seems to get a little bit bumpy, and you wonder how you didnt see this coming (hadn't you been watching the road ahead?) you find yourself going up and down pretty steep hills, the journey upwards is really hard going but its a great view at the top (a great surround sound, you dont have a camera though which is disappointing because you would like to save this feeling for later when you arent so busy) the way down the hills is easy going but you could almost mistake it for being dark down here, you wonder if you've gone the wrong way, been lead off the track but you realise your view is affected by the hill you just climbed. Back on the straight and narrow you are running again, that little hiccup is long behind you and you are speeding along until you find yourself in total darkness, you stop, turn around and wonder what happened, you know this isnt right so you look back, to try and figure out where you had gone wrong, there is a HUGE flashing arrow shaped (lit up with lightbulbs) sign pointing to the brightly lit side road, its much smaller than the road you are on but it seems so obvious looking back, how did you miss that? You decide to slow down a bit, retrace your steps and follow the arrow. This road is really quite tiny and after a while it turns from smooth tarmac to cobble stones, not easy going on your feet, then it turns to dirt, a dirt track that seems like very few people have walked before, there is only one persons foot steps to follow and you start to have second thoughts, you look back wondering if you have gone the wrong way again, was the dark road better than this? Did you miss another turning? But things are quite clearly bright here, brighter than they have been at any other part of your journey, you are sure this is the right way, it just looks hard going, treading carefully you carry on, very prepared to hop it in the other direction if anything goes wrong, the path gets even harder, climbing on all fours, leading you into a forest which looks kinda dark, you are really scared, the trees are blocking out some of the light that was guiding you, making it really cold too. After a while of struggling you have serious second thoughts, you stand for a while. Then you realise, standing in the scary place isnt a good place to stand, why didnt you stand longer in all those bright warm places? Why were you so eager to speed on?? You are cold and weary but realise you are fully equipped to deal with the situation, you have a jumper and are wearing hiking shoes, you just need the right attitude, you look ahead and decide not to let the darkness bother you, there are spots of light that break through the shade the tree has given, you hop between them (like a child playing hop scotch), keeping your focus on them, before you know if you are out of the forest in the bright open landscape again, it looks so much more beautiful for having been away for a while, you take a moment and look how far you have come, the steep jagged journey looks so much worse from this angle, you are a little taken a back that you actually made it, you cant understand how you did that, you decide to walk slower for the rest of the journey, you start to enjoy the heat from the light on your back, whereas before you had been trying to run from it, you find yourself walking with someone else, you were running away from them before, yet they had been ahead, you guess it was there footprints and you are quietly thankful although you'll never let on.

*shrugs* Any ideas?

Joy

Just when you get really really down God shows you how great he is to remind you to ALWAYS put your faith in Him.
My facebook status this morning was 'Sophie is feeling really emotional' and now it is 'Sophie is yelling hallelujah, God is SO awesome' What a change of focus, from me to Him. Let me put this in context so you can rejoice with me. This morning i had to phone my placement lady to tell her that i really didnt think i was suited to the placement she had given to me, i had to go through what seemed like extensive reasoning for why i didnt think it was right (the story of the placement is one for another time, the basics though are that there was something that didnt seem God given in it and it made me really emotional and stressed out just reading the profile, id asked a number of people for prayer on the task ahead because i often wonder if these things are just me being a wimp but i really feld like God was not leading me in this direction so i had to phone the lady and let her know - she didnt seem overly happy and it lead to a long painful conversation about my dad and such - eurgh). Well i had asked for the day off of work today to get some things sorted out as im working this weekend and have been working all of the week so far and after finding no solice in music i headed to the town to put my wages in the bank, after almost leaving the town i turned around and walked back to the sweetshop (the only place that sells Reeses peanut butter cups in Enfield), i guess this was because chocolate generally serves the purpose of cheering me up, however God working in peoples lives cheered me up so much more. On the way i saw someone ahead of me grinning like a cheshire cat and waving at me, when i got almost within punching distance i realised it was my cousin Kieran, he looked so healthy and happy - something i havent seen him look like in five years. Kieran started smoking some bad stuff after my dad died back in 2004 he was arrested by the police for selling drugs on to others and narrowly escaped going to a young offenders institution, a couple of months ago he moved out of his mums house and moved into his dads house (his mum and dad split up a little while before and his dad spends around 6 months of the year working on oil rigs off of Scotland so Kiers is left home alone during that time). People have been trying to get him to give up the drugs for a while but its hard to get someone to stick to something they dont actually want to commit to themselves. My cousins when on holiday last week with Kierans dad, spending a week in Cyprus, obviously he couldnt take anything out of the country with him so he has gone cold turkey since then, he told me when he got back his 'friend' gave him 'a special' and he had a really bad trip, he thought he was going to die, his dad (who luckily was there) was ready to rush him to the hospital, this scared the crap out of Kiers. The next day he decided he needed to get away from all of this mess, he went round to his mums house and begged her for forgiveness for all the stuff he'd put her through, we went to see our nan yesterday and God lead us together today. He came back to ours (he asnt been round in a LONG time) and we chatted for hours, he told me how he thinks he needs to get away from his old friends and find a job to keep him distracted because his going cold turkey at the moment, his also going through all the things that he was trying to avoid by taking the drugs in the first place, so so much hurt. I havent seen him thinking this clearly in so long, we were having intellectual discussions again, we talked about life, why certain things happen and whats happening next.

It was so good to have him back, this is going to be so hard to stay with though, he really will need prayer and support to make it through, please pray for him.

Who drew on my satsuma?!