Census

So this is what i'm thinking today, Census 2011
Yesterday was a good day, Alice and I went to my nans house and she said "Soph check this census form for me, make sure i've filled it out right", i did, she hadn't, she'd missed half of the questions, one part says 'go to question H14' she had gone to question 14 (not of section H) and as such had skipped a page of questions, she had filled out questions it said she didn't have to answer 'Is English your main language, if yes go to question 20' - missing out question 19, she had filled out question 19 'How well can you speak English?' To give her her dues she had ticked 'very well', if it had said 'how well do you read english' it might have lead to a different answer. Question 16 'What is your ethnic group' she ticked the first option but read the rest aloud, even though she clearly isn't mixed race, asian, black or other, but she was just checking there wasn't anything that fitted her better than 'white - english/welsh/scottish/northern irish/british'.
Question 17 'this question is intentionally left blank go to 18' caused no end of confusion on her part and when i read out "Nan are your day-to-day activities limited because of a health problem or disability which has lasted, or is expected to last, at least 12 months? inclde problems related to old age" she said "no" to which i said "nan you can't fill out the form because your arthritis is so bad i think that counts" to which she said "oh i don't want to make a fuss" and after explaining that it wasn't complaining it was giving the government a true reflection of what the populations needs were and where they should put there money into so actually its a good thing to put those things down she said "well i guess i'm limited a little then, maybe they will phone me about that" .... i doubt they will.
She laughed her head off about the politcial correctness of the same sex partnership question and miscounted the number of rooms in her maisonette. Hilarious, even more so because you aren't really supposed to complete it until the 27th anyway! She told me she thinks a lot of older people will fill it out wrong, i saw a little old lady posting hers today and wondered what it beheld.
I love census' i think they are awesome, we looked online at the ones from 100 years ago to find our relatives and what they wrote, apparently my nans side of the family werent so up on filling out the form properly either because we couldnt find theirs (maybe they wrote their names wrong?), because they are kept private for 100 years this could be how distant relatives find out about you in a centurys time, which is pretty mind blowing, mines not going to put me in a very good light, it'll say that i'm still living with my mother at 25 years old, that i don't have a job and have severe mental health needs, has no children or dependents, isn't married and last worked in 2009 as a sales assistant (because voluntary work doesnt count and there is no where to explain the university stuff) they wont know about me living in america, working as a carer, doing tons of voluntary work, having a long term boyfriend, my work ethic and what i've achieved, they will know my religion but bundled into C of E, Catholicism and all other christian denominations, which to be honest many people will tick out of habit, they will know i have a degree but not what it is in or how well i did in it, it doesnt put me in a very good light if this is all future generations have to go on. I'm going to stay overnight at Nomes' house on the 27th, so she'll have to include me as a visitor on her form, at least that way anyone trying to find out about me in the future will know who my friends were, and really, isn't that the bit you want them to know the most?

Tuesday

I don't know where i'm going with all this, i don't know where i'm going with life in general though so whats the difference? I realised yesterday that i prefer to know where things are going, i like playing games that are kind of repetitive, i don't like the original bit of them when you are still learning how to do things, i like perfecting it and getting the best score i can, i like knowing what to do and what will happen. I dont like how unpredictable life is, i dont like change, i dont like not know whats going to happen in the future or that you can plan it until the cows come home but it never works out that way. Apparently my thing is 'control' i dont like to be out of control, i like driving because i can control my surroundings but i cant control who i will meet when out walking. Control is my security blanket. Theres only so long you can distract yourself until reality returns, turns out ive been distracting myself for 7 years, apparently im quite good at it, but nows its all come to a head and i cant ignore it any longer, its too big, i tried going back into that world last week, seeing Karen and Kayleigh, hanging out with my family, being distracted, on Sunday night it all manifested in the most excruiating headache ive ever known, i felt like my brain needed to pop out through my mouth, apparently you can only ignore things for so long until they physically hurt, i need to work through the grief but when i acknowledged it again it was so overpowering i stood there and wept, i wanted to get down on my knees and weep but i couldnt, i couldnt move from rigidly standing there and weeping, its more of a crushing low once you've been a little higher, longer fall i guess. Alice was downstairs and she let me sleep in her room, im glad she was there im really worried i would have done something extreme if she hadnt been. I really dont know how much longer i can go on like this, somethings got to give