Follow me as i follow Jesus

Apparently 90% of the love that is shown to you by people around you in your lifetime is when you are a baby. Isnt that sad? It kinda makes sense now why so many people are suffering from crippling depression, and imagine if you didnt know Gods love, you really would have nothing. Gods been teaching me about how i show Jesus to people, im not very good at talking to people about stuff anyway and people here are not very receptive to what is being said, in fact people dont care. However, people learn a limited amount through listening, we blot out things we dont want to hear, a child learns more through watching than what its parents tell it to do, its more about the way you tell him and the actions you carry through than the actual words. So follow me as i follow Jesus. Whether you want to be or not you are affected by the actions of the people around you, their ideas and morals become intergrated into your way of thinking, people expect me to act in a certain way because i follow Jesus, yet they also look back at how their expectations havent been fulfilled in the past, the stereotypes and the hurt which have helped to turn them against Him in the first place. Lots of damage has been done in the past which makes reaching out to people who have been exposed to the idea of God previously, but have been burnt much harder than if they were starting from scratch. When you wrong somebody, or act like a jerk, or do something horrible it will take seven experiences of you being exceptionally nice to them for your relationship to get back to where it was. Seven! and thats not even to make it better than before, its to get back to where you started, to get back to zero. It almost seems like getting mad at them wasnt worth it. Well when people know we are following Jesus this hurt is reflected back onto Him, even on people we dont know, if i wear a cross to university or if you wear your 'Jesus Rocks' tshirt and then we push in line or do something that isnt following Jesus, people will think that is what Jesus is like, because how are they supposed to know better? By wearing that cross i have said follow me as i follow Jesus, and why would they want to follow me if im acting like a jerk? Thats quite a lot of pressure, sure im only human but reason rarely comes into things when people are judging your actions, and if we take into this that that one time of you being horrible will take seven occassions when people are able to show Jesus to that person in a good light, IF that occasion ever comes up again (which it might not), you did a HUGE injustice to that person by risking their salvation just because you were having a bad day.
I'm not saying dont show anyone that you're a christian, far from it, tell everyone, shout it from the rooftops, but then follow through, FOLLOW Jesus, dont just say you will, people dont need your baggage as well as their own. If zero is the level at which people are open to the idea of Christ and someone is in the minus figures when you meet them, it might take a while for them to get back to zero, but no time at all to get into a bigger hole.

Update

So whats happening?
Lets do an update, its better than doing any of the things i actually have to do anyway
I am now in full swing in my last semester at Herts, i just finished my second project week and it seems i have some quite promising results so far, lots of work needs to be done to them though in the interpretation and write up of the thesis, and of course we cant forget the lovely project presentation before easter. Other than that i only have one more essay to finish "Discuss the nature and classification of the potential hazards of transfusion medicine" (a nice one compared to the others), one more viva voce to get through (defending my laboratory work), leading a seminar on chromatin folding (i dont even want to think about that ...), classes of course, and working in the lab on monday evenings after classes, oh and of course final exams after easter, but compared to the rest im slightly looking forward to that ....

He called them and they immediately left

I was walking home earlier and my mind started to wonder, as it usually does, and i started to think about all the reasons i used to think christianity was a load of rubbish back in the day and one of the ones that stuck was this, in our Religious Studies class our teacher had taught us when we were doing comparisons of religions that the Qu'ran was written down by Muhammad as God spoke to him (or pretty soon after) and the Bible wasnt written down for ages afterwards, so surely there was the possibility that things werent written down exactly how they happened, and this left room for error and over exaggeration, well that was my conclusion at the time. Just as a side note, there was only one girl in our class (i went to an all girls school) that was a christian (think she was actually Greek Orthodox but im not totally sure) and when we would have debates id always be the voice of athetism (even though i was the quietest person in the class, it was something i believed in) and she would debate for Jesus, everyone always though she was a bit crazy for actually believing what she was arguing and im pretty sure i always won the debate. Anywho, i was wondering why id started to think of this and what i thought of it now, surely my thoughts on the subject should have changed? what would i say if someone brought that up now? Well i concluded this, the Bible is the word of God, full stop, and even if it was written down a long time after the events occured (was my teacher right in saying that? i actually dont know, if you do, let me know will you) it was still inspired by God, so it must be accurate, which lead me on to thinking this, if something That amazing happened in your lifetime, would you actually need to write in down straight away for it still to be accurate? Its one trial learning (ever taken psych 101?) One trial learning goes like this - something crazy happens and its So out of the ordinary and life changing that you remember pretty much everything about that event. When the twin towers got hit for example, now i was in like year 10 and before that i didnt even know what the twin towers were but i remember that day so vividly, i could tell you what people said, what i was doing when i heard, the smells, the colours, everything! (same thing when Princess Diana died) Anyway, point is, life changing thing happens = you remember everything. Well it kinda seems like if i remember something so vividly that really didnt affect me that much then if this crazy situation where the son of God was on earth in human form making blind people see and doing miracles left right and centre, well it kinda seems like you'd remember that pretty accurately, hey you'd probably still have one trial learning if someone told you that that had happened to them! Which lead me on to this, when Jesus went up to Simon and Andrew and said Follow me, and i will make you fishers of men, why on earth did they go??! Okay okay obviously it was a God thing, but think about it, these are uneducated guys who didnt make the cut with the whole learning the scriptures thing so they had a trade to fall back on instead and theyre out doing there fisherman thing. If you were out fishing and some random guy calls out to you "Oi, you! yeah you, with the nets, come 'ere, follow me, ill make you a fisher of men" well i dont know about you but id be kicking my boat into full gear and getting away from this mad man, you want me to be a what now? James and John were on a boat with their dad, im pretty sure my dad would have kicked up a fuss if that had happened to me and my brother, your dads not gonna let you go off with a stranger. But they immediately left the ship and their father and followed him. Why? Is the call of God that strong that when something that goes against all of your natural reactions comes along, you just have to follow Him? Its like trying to run against a really strong wind, its gonna push you in the direction its going anyway, you're just gonna look silly if you're still trying to run the other way. It just seems so crazy to me, He didnt have to convince them or anything, they didnt even stop to think about it, sit down have a drink with Him to see what He was all about, ask for a detailed plan of what He was actually asking them to get into, a job description of sorts, what faith, He called them and Immediately they left. Thats got to have been a day they remembered pretty well.

World Missions Summit

Okay, so lets do the WMS update now, it seems im not very good at saying how i feel out loud, so maybe ill be able to articulate things better by writing things down, well maybe.

Firstly WMS was awesome, spiritually i was feeling pretty low on those last couple of days of the term, its like im forever fighting against things, people attacking my beliefs, everything is an uphill struggle, and its so tempting when the enemy reminds you of what a wonderfully easy downhill ride it is. Things before were so wonderfully easy, it seems like it would be nice to go back to that, but then you are reminded of the reason you dont want to go there, because when you look back at the past you never remember the horribleness that accompanied it, you always have rose tinted glasses. Anyway, thats besides the point. The point is WMS was just what i needed.

Secondly, it scared the crud out of me, but in the nicest possibly way. When i look at the situation where i am back home, of people and God, well its pretty bad. England is supposed to be a Christian country, but lets face it, its not, its scary the amount of people who don't know Jesus and what that is causing to happen in their lives as a result. That really upsets me, i rarely sleep very well anyway but at the end of term i kept having these dreams where i would see all these people that are really close to me and they are all burning, their skin is flaking off their faces, charred and black and they look in excrusiating pain, well i cant explain it that well but its not a nice dream, and i figured it was because of peoples salvation and stuff, i got that much, and well frankly who thinks spending eternity with God would be good when everyone you know and love has to spend eternity in hell instead and you dont get to share the wonderfulness with them. How could you be happy when you know you didnt do everything physically possible to make them see? Well it seems like the thing to do when you get that kind of a dream is to pray, so i did, i prayed for labourers, no thats not right, i pleaded for labourers, people to make everyone see sense. Well its easy to ask for someone else to sort it out. But of course Gods answer wasnt that easy. Rather it was a reprimand, something like 'I already sent one, shes just not doing enough' which was like a slap in the face, because if i have to do stuff then its my fault if it doesnt work out, i dont want that responsibility, i figured the WMS would lead to some nice cozy answer, going to some place which id planned on travelling to anyway, or God saying 'Soph this isnt really your area, you're on track already, you dont need to go'. I knew it wouldnt realistically happen, but it would have been nice, its like in a job when things get pushed when you're coming to a deadline and everyone has to muck in to get it done, even if what your doing isnt in your job description, its everyones area, you just have a different way of doing it. Well anyway of course my response was 'oh poop, really? but .... i dont want to .... *all said in a very small voice*' and then a defeated 'okay, but im gonna need your help'. I never wanted to do missions in England, i dont even want to live in England particularly, i find it near impossible to share my faith in England, no-one wants to listen, and i dont think im brave enough to be loud and do what has to be done. But things arent meant to be easy. But God doesnt leave you in the lurch with these things, its like when you ask for something for Christmas and you think you get this educational toy instead and your like 'huh .... well thanks .... i guess i needed this ... but i really wanted the bike' but then later your dad whips out the bike, and you'd had that all along, because thats what you'd asked for, and his nice like that. Well God will send labourers too he just wants me to reach my full potential as well, maybe that just increases the pressure, then even more people are relying on me, even though they are really helping.

Update

Okay so im back from the World Missions Summit, and back in Manhattan, KS till the 9th when i fly back to England, arriving on the 10th and starting uni again on the 12th, hopefully. Two project weeks, should be horrorendous (sp?), but who needs to think about that when im in lovely Manhattan. Lots to tell about TWMS but thats for another day, God has spoken mucho, and i dont have the time to give it justice right now, but trust me ill blog about it later.

Love you all!