God?? God???? I can't hear you you're gonna have to speak a bit louder!

Do you ever lay in bed at night wondering things? Sometimes its more of a prayer like 'why on earth am i still here??' or 'why why why did i do that??' or sometimes its a bit more complex like 'why does the Bible have the geneology of Jesus at the beginning of Matthew if really his Gods son, is it just to try to show he was a Jew or am i missing something?'

Or sometimes things come up when im praying like '.... i think i love you, but im not really sure what love means, i read this thing where it said - love is a decision, a decision to invest in another person's life, to help them get the best out of everything, to give them time, energy and compassion; a decision to stick with them though the tough spots, to learn to say im sorry and start again - so, i know you love me, and i know i love other people, but im not sure if i always do that for you, so is it wrong of me to say i love you?' This tends to go on a while, i rarely say Amen anymore because normally ill be talking and digressing and wanting to know so much stuff that prayer gones on a long time and i just fall asleep. Which actually reminds me of something, theres something about psalms 69 that stuck a chord, im not sure what, usually i find reading the King James Bible pretty hard going, its like i know kinda what there getting at but most of its over my head and i end up switching Bibles halfway through, but this was like my prayers, im drowning God save me and help me but can you do it a bit speedily please? because sometimes i wonder if it takes a while for my prayers to get through, its like im using dial up connection and everyone else has broadband, ill pray and things will be really really bad and i could do with some help sharpish but itll go on like that for another couple of days and then BAM its all sorted out, God to the rescue, and im sitting there wondering how i could possibly forsee the future and start praying two days before things actually get bad so i can get a little help straight away.