Saturday

Yesterday was a better day, today is not. Yesterday i drove to Cardiff and moved out of my house, i took all my books back to the library and went to see Sue to give her the doctors stuff, i accomplished something. Today i got up late and just started sorting out this room, i'm moving into Eliots old room because there is more space, its disgusting though so it needs a lot of cleaning before i can move anything in here. I was just starting to feel positive about it, about to get the hoover, ignoring the bigger implications of moving back in here, how i would feel once the mission of having something to do was over and my mum comes in and says we need to move the other wardrobe in here, Eliot will need more space than just the little room when he comes back at Easter. Mainly this upset me because it made me realise that i'm not in control of my own life anymore, i can't make my own decisions without them going through my mum or my counsellor first but it also got to me because i was never given lots of space when i came back during holidays, all of my stuff had to be packed up and stored under the bed so it wasn't taken and put in someones loft. Why did this topic have to be brought up now? What was the benefit in that? I already feel like i don't want to be here, i just wanted to create my own little space that i could have some control over, that i could keep nice and would be my resonsibility and no one else could interfere with but now it seems like ill be chucked out of it again as soon as Eliot comes back from uni, i don't want to be here so badly and now i've lost all motivation for my little project, i'm at a new level of low, i really thought that having my own space to be me and to be alone would make things better but .... it wont, there really isnt any solution to this, so whats the point?