"You don't know Much do you!"

Lets get a little bit Socrates here, I know that i don't know, i realise how foolish i am when i claim to know about a subject. However this realisation pushes me to find out. When I "knew" there was no entity called God i had no reason to seek Him, to find out more, to find out if i was right, because i foolishly believed i knew. I realise im playing catch up in this whole thing, i didnt grow up in the church, in Brownies and Guides we Had to go to Church one sunday a month to carry a flag for some unknown reason and then sit through the most boring sermon ever, to sing hymns that sent most of us to sleep and be preached at by a vicar who must have been 105, we all tried to get out of going if we physically could. Amy dragged us all to sunday school for about a year, the people were lovely, and maybe i subconciously learnt something there but i was always very aware that these were all church kids, their parents were in church too, mine werent, they knew the bible stories, i knew Of them, the story of Joseph for example - i could have sung you every song from the musical but ask me who Goliath was and id be lost. I only read about Moses a couple of weeks ago, man that was not how the story had gone in my head, its actually really exciting to read the Bible because i really dont know what is going to happen next, most people have heard the spoilers even if they havent read it, but i havent! Of course im constantly stumbling over things i dont get, "why are you praising His name? wouldnt it make more sense to praise HIM?" So i have to study until i find out that for the Hebrews someones name illustrated who they were as a person and their presence, so it makes more sense. Theres a problem with being able to relate to the situation, most other books i can understand why people are doing certain things because they are like me, they live in a time such as mine, they have similar problems and the same things happen to them. I notice the same problems occuring in places in the Bible but i cant relate to the circumstance, "why are you offended that he didnt wash your feet? Nobody washed my feet when i walked into their house today".

Even the things i was fairly certain i knew, "i Know God wants me to go to Church when i get back to England, that i can be sure of" Now im not so sure of, i want to go to Church but i think God is teaching me to be reliant on Him first, not other people, this probably wont make sense because i cant really explain it because after all going to church is a good thing. Going to Church led me to know Christ afterall but it didnt lead me to seek Him, going to church on Sundays fulfilled my Bible quota for the week, i dont feel the need to read my Bible or pray all that much or try to build a relationship with God because the Pastor takes care of those things on my behalf. The opportunity hasnt arisen for me to attend a church here yet, so i am seeking God by myself and in doing that im building a stronger relationship with Him that wouldnt have happened otherwise. Im studying the Bible instead of just reading it, and the quiet time allows me to get answers from God that i never used to hear in the daytime because there was so much going on, taking an hour each morning to be with God really changes the rest of the day, things used to be so busy that the only time i could hear God was in my sleep, fantastically vivid dreams, but little sleep.