Have a break, have a kitkat

Can you 'take a break' from God?

This week has been tremendously busy, so was the week before, i think next week will be even worse. Theres hardly enough time to do all the stuff i need to do let alone anything else (you know the luxuries like .... eating .... sleeping etc etc). Im kinda falling behind in certain things id like to be doing, not really spending as much time as id like with God, because, well, when im finally done for the day im pooped! i just want to fall into bed and sleep, its really hard to pray and worship and study my bible, theres just not the time in the day. I was like two days behind on my bible study and found myself saying everynight "its okay ill make it up tomorrow, ill make time for it" But should i have to 'make time' for God? I want to put my full energy into it, not make a half hearted attempt (if you dont know me too well i put my whole heart into EVERYTHING i do, it might be a hinderance in some cases but its the only way i can do things) I felt like whats the point in doing this if im not going to do it properly? Im not doing justice to anyone. So i decided to take a break from God for the week. I didnt do the bible study, i didnt read my bible, i listened to regular music (the few times i had time to) instead of worship music, didnt go to church or house group, i still prayed .... because its kinda hard to go cold turkey on God.

I guess its a relationship thing, like Gods your other half and you've said, you need to be away from everything for a while until everything is sorted (but you dont really want to lose contact so you still phone each other), i always thought this is what would happen in the final year with Gareth, id have to totally ignore him for a few months so id have time to get things done, turns out i wouldnt need to. Anyway, i took a break from God, and i got some stuff done, not as much as id have liked but so is life. Funny thing is God didnt really leave me. So maybe i didnt listen to any worship music, but why was i humming it all day long? and why would i wake up with it in my head like it had been in my dream? Okay i wasnt reading my bible daily but bible verses would be everywhere i looked, and not places id put them, strange places that id not noticed before. I wasnt discussing God at Church or with other christians but about 5 times Alec brought up God and we all talked about God, Jesus and the Holy spirit for an hour while i was cooking / eating dinner.

Jon was bugging me one night whilst i was doing yet more multiple alignments whether i was going to go to church the next day and condemning me for thinking about not going (sorry did that sound spiteful?) Thing is i know what he meant and i probably would have said the same thing, but sometimes its not a choice, if i felt like God was telling me to throw my degree away and spend my time worshipping him and doing stuff for him then id be doing it, but i feel like his telling me to put my all into my degree, because im gonna need it in his bigger plan, or by doing it ... theres something bigger to it. Ill be glad when its over so i can get back into my routine.

Even tonight, friday night, my night off, im wondering if i should be doing some work, figuring out how to organise my results or something ....

On a plus note though i had a meeting with Ela earlier and she said i really should be doing my phd in september, she was very impressed with my research and was sure my report was going to be fantastic (no pressure or anything...), i think she thinks im better than i actually am, .... i just prayed over my research .... and it went well, because .... i asked for that to happen. Im hoping she isnt disappointed when ive finished my dissertation and it isnt at the standard shes now used to.
This is the kinda talk that makes my mum mad at me so im going to end there!
Thank you for reading!!