This is going to sound quite dumb if you have read the blog post i did a couple of days ago but here goes. Today i went to church, lol, let me explain.
This week it snowed, and uni got closed on and off, Alec and I (and the rest of our class) have been dreading having a certain lecturer since the year began (we are only scheduled to have him for 3 lectures, which is more than enough), last week he called in sick (there was a cheer in the class when we were told), this week classes were cancelled (because of the snow). Now everyone knows these lectures will probably be rescheduled but it was a wonderful time. We were discussing our luck a couple of days ago and Alec (one of my housemates - VERY atheist, really nice guy) said "I really cant believe it, if the third lecture gets cancelled im going to go to church with you, thats enough to prove there is a God". Well im pretty sure he was joking but i told him id take him up on that offer (we'll see what monday brings). That night i started praying for my housemates salvation again, i really want them to know Christs love so badly. Yesterday i felt the most ridiculously strong desire to be at church, now there is a methodist church about half a mile from our house but going there didnt even cross my mind, i really wanted to go to this place i had heard about at the Freshers Fair - Kings Community Church, i tried to go there a couple of times before but i was fairly certain it didnt exist because i just couldnt find it (Hatfields not a huge place), but the need (i wanted to write 'desire' there but it was stronger than that) to go was so strong i had to try, so i timidly asked Liam if he knew where this road was, he reckoned he did and when i told him it was a church he agreed to go to the service with me today (which was pretty awesome in itself). So we did. To be honest with you i was pretty sure we werent going to get there, i didnt even bring my bible because i was so certain, there is ice everywhere and if that hadnt have stopped us well we only knew loosely where it was and i was kinda certain it didnt exist, but we tried anyway, because .... i needed to be there. And .... we found it! 5 minutes to spare, staring at us, a big school building with a big sign outside saying "Kings Community Church" (I wonder if that will make certain people laugh because i prayed for that sign). Well no stopping now, we went in (treading carefully - lots of ice), were greeted by a few people on the door (they looked slightly surprised - i guess because we were new faces) and then lots more (very friendly) people inside (Liam told me on the way home he felt pretty uncomfortable with it all, people being friendly, speaking to you, caring that you were there, the lively music, instruments that werent an organ, its probably a London thing - feeling the need to not talk to anyone and being freaked out when people come inside your comfort zone, but to me it really felt like home). It was awesome. Then we got to the end and the guest speaker was saying that he felt God was telling him to pray for certain people and he reeled off a few things (Im not usually comfortable with this kinda stuff, it feels like the whole psychic thing to me - say a really unspecific thing and wait for someone who has that problem, but suddenly this other guy stands up and says this thing that was really specific to me, it kinda took me aback, he was talking about a problem with your heart but its not really a physical problem its anxiety that you need to deal with, it was way more specific than that but you get the drift, well that kinda knocked my doubt a bit but there was still no way in hell i was getting up to be prayed for - i just dont do that kinda thing - the anxiety problem demonstrates that doesnt it?!!?) two people went up (its a very small church - the snow probably kept a few people at home) and then the guy said 'God needs you to make this step of faith, let people help you, his talking to you for a reason, he brought you here today for a reason', that freaked me out, i figured i better go, i still wasnt comfortable going up to the front though, but i looked around and the guy was at the back, so i went and spoke to him. Obviously by the end i was crying, its been an emotional day (along with that and a lady that was giving her testimony and a vision she'd had the night before). After we left (Liam needed to go food shopping) the most incredible home sickness hit me, and im still feeling it (the crazy thing is ive never felt home sickness really for my actual home - Enfield, ive felt like i missed my family a bit but not really homesick, when i got back to England in August i felt very homesick though, which was silly because i was actually at home, but this is worse than even that, i actually just want to sit here and cry all day - which isnt good because im in the LRC), im not really sure what to do. Im not really sure why i needed to go church this morning, whether it was that id stopped resisting God and trying to do my own thing and finally let Him guide me or what, if so why do i feel so sad now? and i really want to go back next week but i know how incredibly hard that is going to be, even more so because ill have to go on my own.
This was just a long waffle i know
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