Wedding woes

Sitting around the dinner table on Easter Sunday my Grandmother says "Sophie, is cocaine called cornflakes in America?". Apparently Radio 4 had given her the impression it was. She was worried about ordering cornflakes at breakfast and being given a line on cocaine by mistake it seems. These are my wedding worries. Most brides turn into bridezilla because their flowers aren't the right hue, i'm worrying that my Grandmother is going to order cocaine for breakfast. My mum's biggest concern is what she will wear, whether people dress differently for weddings in America, she seems to think a Kansas wedding will be composed of people dressed in NASCAR t-shirts. Why on earth it would alter how she dressed if people were i don't know. My brother is too shy to give a speech but he is planning on giving me away wearing a top hat, a monocle and a pocket watch and swinging a cane. My older sister Amy is my Maid of Honour, she has been recruited to make sure everyone gets to America safely (slight role reversal of making sure everyone gets home safely after the reception), to give my aunt diazepam before she boards the plane so she doesn't freak out as the plane takes off, to prevent my cousin getting arrested at passport control and to wake my Nan up if she snores too loudly on the plane. My cousin Alfie seemed slightly dismayed when he found out i am moving half way across the world, he told me he was coming to my leaving party but in a way only an adorable four year old can he broke my heart when he asked me "but Sophie, why are you leaving us?". He had a tremendously great look of panic when he found out Alice was currently in China but total relief when i assured him she would be back soon.